Thursday, September 29, 2011

W/O 9/28

    Much like Monday this workout was broken up.. The morning started with a super short 15 minutes of Astanga yoga before I headed to work. Work was super slow and dead by the way and I made about half of what I need- so that I can pay rent and credit card bills. Either way I made it through the day and headed home for some interval training thanks to this was the silent killer workout and it was 20 minutes of leg burn out.. which was awesome to do before my hour long walk with Erin. We took the dogs to the greenway bike path and stopped of for Hydro to take a swim. Erins dog Bella really wanted to swim but was too scared to go in past her chest. Anyway it was probably one of the last nice warm days of the year so I’m happy we got out for a walk and I’m sure Hydro was equally happy to hit up the pond for a swim.
    Like every Wednesday it was wine and cigar night, so after our walk I came home for dinner and made my second salad of the day.. This thing was the size of TWO of my heads and was amazing along with some mashed sweet potatoes. I inhaled it and made my way to the pond. The fire was already blazing which was great since the weather had cooled down. Rain was coming in and managed to stay away just long enough for us to enjoy another night of wine and conversation.
    My legs are pretty sore at this point so this morning I rolled them out and did a bit of stretching. Todays workout is unsure- but I do have to teach yoga tonight so I know I will have that if anything..

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

WO- 9/26

Silly me- I forgot to post what I did for a workout yesterday! I started out the morning with 15 minutes of yoga- and Hot Body Workout from I got nice and sweaty, it felt really good to get the burn going you know? After showering and running some errands I got a call from Erin asking me to hit the gym- even though I really wasn’t feeling it, I figured it would be a great idea. We managed 25 minutes of elliptical-ing and lifted some weights- which included Dumbbell one-arm row, push=ups, dumbbell shoulder press, standing one leg calf raises, dumbbell curl, overhead extension, dumbbell squat, stiff legged dead-lifts.. all of them 2x 15 reps.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Weekend review + Monday!

     This weekend was filled up with a good amount of friend time- Friday night I hung out with Melinda, Shane and Ryan for a night in with a few drinks and some much needed chill/talk time. I don’t think I can ever get enough of that! They are really great friends- and I’m especially happy that Melinda and I have become close. We actually went to high school together but never hung out until last year- when our mutual friend Kristin suggested we all hang out. It turned out to be a great idea!! I actually see Melinda a whole lot more than Kristin because we live near one another- I’m living at her parents house in the in-law apartment, we work at the same yoga studio (She teaches pilates and kicks my ass) and Kristin is dating a boy who lives in MA so when she isn’t working she hanging with him :) Kristin always makes time for us though- we will have lunch of dinner, sometimes just hang out for a girls night.. It’s good stuff! Anyway we didn’t end up leaving Melinda’s until 2 am- and I had trouble sleeping.. and finally ended up falling asleep on the couch (mind you a tiny love seat couch) somewhere after 3am.
     Of course my body doesn’t believe in sleep- even when I’m a bit hung over and I was up at 7- with Melinda calling me up at 9 talking me into going to 9:30 pilates.. I so did NOT want to be there- but I was happy that I giggled and slacked my way through- I at least felt some what productive. Later on I met up with Paula and later with Jen who was visiting from Salem- and we grabbed some much needed coffee and caught up for a while before meeting up with some of Jen’s other friends for dinner at Greg’s… Can you believe I had never actually been there to eat? Of course we didn’t end up getting dessert since half of us at the table are dieting or trying to be healthy- but it was a great meal! From there we stopped and got some 6 packs and headed to the pond for a fire and boat ride to round out the night.
    Sunday morning I went on a rampage and deep cleaned the entire apartment.. For only living here for 3 weeks- let me tell you, it needed it! Thanks to living with a dog and not having a suitable vacuum cleaner.. But I got the job mostly done before James called to let me know he was on the way with the mattress. We ended up hanging out most of the day- I made some lunch for us and we had a good time. Things are looking up.. and even though we are taking things one day at a time- I’m hopeful that they are moving in the right direction.
    Since today is Monday I’m setting up for some new habits- and letting go of some crappy ones that I have picked up over the last few months. Number one to let go of… Smoking cigarettes- I talked about this before.. and I’m ashamed to say that I was weak and didn’t follow through with stopping this. Here’s the thing.. I’m not a “smoker” or maybe I’m just in denial about it- either way I’ll smoke around friends who smoke.. I’m that friend that just bums them and never has her own.. Yes I’ve bought 3 packs within the last 6 months.. mostly because I was super stressed and felt bad that I was smoking everyone else’s. Even now- I don’t really think about it at all when I’m alone or not around people who smoke.. but it’s just that social aspect- Well whatever.. it’s gross and I don’t want to do it.. so I’m done.
    Number 2- is really about looking at my diet. Yes I eat fairly well.. some might say that I’m super healthy.. but my relationship with food sucks- and I want it to be better. I want to be eating the right foods to support my other goals and I need to do something about this 10 or 15 lbs that my body just won’t let go of. So as of today.. I’m going to be more conscious about what and how much I’m putting in my body.
    Number 3- has to do with #2 because it’s all about working out.. So I’ve done cardio and yoga forever.. I haven’t really pushed any limits lately and I’m determined that the one thing that I haven’t been doing is strength training.. So I’m sucking it up and pushing the meat heads at the gym aside so I can make a food of myself with some free weights.
   Number 4- This is just a general life change.. I’m going to be a student! It’s not going to happen until next year- maybe the spring, though more likely the fall semester- but this girl has a mission.. It’s going to be awesome, and REALLY hard..
    EXERCISE SCIENCE!!! After a whole lot of thought about it and going back and forth between this and sports nutrition.. I feel like I want to definitely do this first- and if possible I might double major  in the sports nutrition, or just take it as a minor. URI offers it (which is only 30 mins from where I live- and I could get in-state tuition) So within the coming weeks I’m going to start looking for scholarships and talking to advisors about everything :) I kind of feel like a dork but I’m super excited about going to school for my BA.. Now it’s just finding a way to pay for it..

   So there you have it… I’m off to make dinner for James and I.. Stuffed mushrooms.. MMMM- Have a great night!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Thinking of you always...

Each time you cross my mind I think…. “Things I’ll Miss”
-Carving pumpkins each halloween
-Apple picking-turing into apple fights
-Going 5 places on Thanksgiving
-Making Christmas ornaments
-Being spoiled on Christmas morning
-Kissing and spending New Years together
-Your hugs
-The way you taste after you drink beer
-The way you used to look at me and tell me I was beautiful
-Sucking tears off my face
-Wrestling until we giggled
-Coloring Easter eggs and Sammy
-Sunday morning coffee and cartoons
-The way you always blamed me for bring Hydro home
-How you always supported everything that I did- always my biggest cheerleader
-How passionate you are about your work
-Forehead kisses
-Holding me the way I like to be held
-Falling asleep on you while watching a movie


    Work went by super fast yesterday which I’m hoping flows into today. It was so beautiful when I got out- I just wanted to skip out of the gym (the first day of my “getting back on schedule!” lol) I called Paula to try and talk her into taking a walk with me so Hydro could go swimming- but she had two papers to write for school so she was out. I said Fuck it.. Just get there.. I sat in the parking lot for 5 minutes talking myself into it.. After working all day on your feet the last thing I felt like doing was doing a treadmill workout. Let me say though that I was really into the “Crazy Treadmill HIIT” workout! It was so much fun- and just like she said the time went by super fast because your always switching up the pace and watching the time.. I was definitely feeling the burn- and I kind of felt funny jumping off the treadmill to do jump squats and mountain climbers- but I got over it.. Do You feel embarrassed at the gym sometimes? 
     After the treadmill I knew I wanted to do some upper body work- this is what it looked like:
Triceps: 70 lbs- 3x 6 reps
Bicep Curl: 40 lbs 3x 4 reps (BTW I thought I had way more strength than this for the record)
Shoulder Press: 40 lbs- 3x 6 reps
Row/ Rear Deltoid: 50 lbs 3x 6 reps
Pulldown: 70 lbs 3x 6 reps (I LOVE this one.. it’s been my favorite since my swimming days :) )

Basically I just did the machines what they have at my gym- but wanted to try out the shorter rep/ heaver weight thing out.. I have to say that I was pretty exhausted when I left the gym! And this morning I wouldn’t say that I’m super sore.. but I can tell I ripped up some muscles :)
    While at the gym I missed a bunch of phone calls- most of them from James… who was asking me to go out for dinner with him. So I got cleaned up and met up with him at the house. We just decided to go to a local asian place- which is the easiest place for me to eat because I can be gluten free and veg super simply. We sat at the bar and James ordered up some Chi Chi’s which I’m pretty sure are one of the most amazing drinks.. like ever.. Coconut, pineapple and vodka- Sign me up!
    Unfortunately the dinner conversation was about “us” which lead to me crying.. alot. It’s really hard to hear the person that you love and desperately want to be with tell you that although they love you they aren’t sure that being married to you is what they want. In fact James went on to say that he will always love me etc…. but that he just doesn’t know what he wants… He made the appointment with the lawyer for next Monday :( There were other long winded things said as well but lets face it- I was full of vodka and I’m pretty sure that as much as I want to talk about it, you probably don’t want to read about it.. Though it is my blog- and if you don’t want to read it you can just stop.. lol
     When I got to work this morning (Thurs) I was a pretty big mess.. Maybe it’s because I’m going to be getting my period soon or whatever- but I was fucking emotional.. I’m talking between waiting on tables I was running in the back crying my eyes out. I don’t know if everything is just hitting me for real now- or that everything just SEEMS more real after talking to James last night. All I know is that I’m hitting bottom for sure now.. For a while I was saying that I hadn’t hit rock bottom…. and I still think thats probably true- but I think I’m getting closer… and FAST.. The truth is that I always expected that James would be there for me.. and it’s not that he’s disappearing from my life- but I just feel like no matter what I do or say its the wrong thing. I cried on and off for the first 2 hours of work- I text messaged James to tell him how I felt, and all he had to say was “ This is what is it right now and your going to have to accept it” Well I was pretty hurt by that to say the least.
    I have decided that I’m no longer going to reach out and contact him. As much as it hurts me and as much as I want to- he needs time.. and I’m pretty sure that time isn’t going to change his mind- which fucking sucks. I feel like I have ruined my life.. I feel once again lost and hopeless.. I know that I have my friends to depend on which has been my one saving grace. Bottom line is that if James wants to be done with me- there is nothing I can do.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


    I’m trying to get back into a schedule- you know waking up doing some yoga, hitting the gym, eating right, and keeping busy in general. While I only work two days so far at the restaurant, waiting for a few extra shifts- and teaching yoga the one night (I got a call last night from my boss that the students in the class that I’ve covered on Tuesday nights- the one that pays $55- want me to come back- and while she goes on maternity that is something that is likely to happen!) For a while since the whole moving thing, yoga has fallen over to the side so I can get used to everything. Though this is a shitty excuse… and I’m not going to take it!
    Last night I went to basic yoga at the studio- I’m not a fan of basic yoga, which is why I take it. See I have a few teachers whom I look up to- ALOT… and they say that the things we need the most are the things we run away from the most. Yeah I love a super intense class with 300 Chaturangas (a low push up in case you didn’t know) but I really need a more meditative practice. Let me tell you though- it’s like torture, no seriously.. When I’m in a basic class I feel like I’ve drank an entire Monster and then told to sit still for 60 minutes. But yoga is yoga.. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it doesn’t matter how long, how intense or what style of yoga- it’s all yoga..
      So today I’m attempting to start a new schedule. I’m leaving for work in a few (8-2) and then heading straight to the gym from there… I’m going to attempt the “Crazy Treadmill HIIT” workout that I found on OnefitFoodie and then some arm stuff (I’ll get in more detail when I actually do it) It’s Wednesday night which means Wine and Cigar night- so that might be happening… The night is kind of up in the air :)

What are your schedules like?
What are your plans for this Humptastical day?

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Weekend recap

 The weekend started off Friday with a margarita at 2pm- I met up with the girls at work and when they got off shift we went next door to Agave’s.. When you show up to a place and they immediately serve you with hot chips and salsa and hand you the drink menu- I’m talking before they even say hello- you know your in a good place. The chips were awesome, salty and freshly fried (oh so yum) and we each ordered our drinks- I went with the blue agave.. but immediately after the first sip I knew I should have ordered the goblet.. My god it was delicious! We hung out for about an hour shooting the shit as we finished our drinks and of course made plans to make it a weekly hangout.. I’m hoping those plans actually stick…


    I met up with James a few hours later to get ready for the canoe trip- he came and picked me up at the apartment; we hung out with my landlord and had some drinks.. (I’m sure you can see where this is going already) Finally we made it to the house after a bunch of last minute errands, made some food and finished packing stuff up before heading to bed.
    4 AM comes super quick- especially when fall is starting to set it and its really effin cold.. I managed to crawl out of bed after the alarm went off 3 times so I could shower. Our friend Chris showed up and the boys packed up with truck while I ate some food. After a quick pick up of our friend Brandon we hit the gas station for some coffee and snacks and headed out on the road for the 4 hour drive to Maine where we were canoeing on the Saco river. At our first stop of the drive (we had met up with 3 other cars full of friends) we did some super strong jello shots. It was 7:30 in the morning mind you and these jello shots were so strong that when you used your tongue to loosen the jello from the little cup- it made your tongue tingle.. Seriously. I’m surprised they even set up. Who cares because they were awesome and I have a bunch before we got back on the road.. for about 2 miles- because we had to stop at the NH liquor store where stuff is super cheap and they are open at like 6 AM or something. Bailey’s Caramel something or other was purchased and drank straight out of the bottle- redneck style for the remainder of the drive to the breakfast place. Man that stuff is good! I was feeling pretty awesome by the time we hit the “restaurant” which was really a BAR that served food.. The eggs and breakfast potatoes were kind of blah- but the pancake that I got was flipping amazing. This this was about an inch thick and incredible. The only thing that could have made it better was some butter and almond butter.. We finally got on the river around noon… Where we proceeded to make some more drinks..
    More jello shots and drinks were had during the day and I was pretty buzzed out.. not gonna even try to lie about it. It was an awesome day- and my only complaint was the amount of mosquitos that were eating my face.. well every part of my body.. but I seriously got at least 10 bites on my face.. Ugh.. pretty gross.
    We stopped floating down river around 5:30 and set up camp on a beachy shoreline- and started a massive fire. Drunk people are funny… Just saying.
    Woke up around 6:30 and cleaned up some of the aftermath of the previous night- restarted the first from coals and made some breakfast, before breaking camp and repacking the canoes. By the way.. there were more jello shots first thing.. like before breakfast. More drinks and floating happened and eventually we made it back- packed up our shit and drove to get some dinner before heading back home.
    It was so much fun! 19 miles floating down river.. uncounted jello shots and drinks and laughs.. Great way to end the summer!

Just around the river bend!

Did you do something to bring your summer to a close?

Friday, September 16, 2011

The weekend

 My work week is over- really it’s more like a work weekend.. I’m only working two shifts at Denny’s until the pregnant chick pops the kid out- and the plan is that I will pick up the shifts she is leaving behind. Either way- I met my budget goal.. I am well on my way to being able to afford rent this coming month! I didn’t even use all of my grocery money.. I spend $10 this week- 3 bananas, some yogurt, brown rice tortillas (Because if I had to eat another bowl of rice I was going to scream!) and some avocado. So with the $15 left, I’m going to try and wait until Monday to grab some staples.
    This weekend is the Saco River canoe trip. It’s something that James and I did every year (though I missed the last two years due to traveling) When James asked me if I wanted to go this year- I knew that I definitely wanted to go, but I didn’t know how that would roll with whats going on. See it’s going to be a big group of us- so there will be buffers, but I don’t know how it’s going to play out as far as us getting along.. Being stuck in the same canoe and then same tent for 2 days straight! I have high hopes that things will be fine, but James is convinced that we are going to argue. I’m more worried about the “We will talk about things this weekend” comment that he put out there yesterday. Expect a long post upon my return!
  What’s your experiences with the “We need to talk” ???

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The Art of Letting go

   I think we have all had those friends in our lives that haven’t really been the best people to have around. You know, the friends that you do shit that gets you in trouble with.. The friend thats kind of a mess and always needs someone to pick up their pieces. The friend that drags you down and around the dirty, skanky gutter- hey maybe you’ve been that friend. I have known a few people in my life that have been that “friend” and I have distanced myself from them. But when shit starts going down, it’s as if there is some sort of beacon shining in the sky like the fucking batman symbol calling to these people… making them flock to you just when you need the bullshit the least… I realize that this is a negative/rough topic- sorry for ya if it’s not something that your wanting to read about, but it’s been eating at me for almost two days and I need to put it out there in the universe.. or at least in some words.
    For a little back story- Amanda was a girl I met my senior year of high school and quickly became good friends with. We hung out a lot… and continued to hang out as the years past. There were times where we didn’t hang out because of a fight or whatever- but one of us would always go crawling back to the other wanting to hang out. It was never the same and if anything was just this constant nagging thing that was in the background. As we got older and started to take different paths (mine the yoga type path- hers the baby making path) we grew even farther apart and I realized what kind of influence her presents was having in my life. Understand that I’m not saying she was the reason for things that did or didn’t happen.. I’m just saying that we are who we surround ourselves with to a certain extent- and I came to the realization that I couldn’t be around her, and her negativity any more. I told her that I didn’t think I could hang out with her anymore, that we were going in two different directions- though I wished her the best and told her that if she ever needed anything for her kids that I would be there as much as I could be. Anyway eventually through the power of social networks we started to talk a bit… and once again I felt that there was just a negative energy that she was constantly putting on- an energy that I was taking in whenever we hung out. I felt like maybe this was my work- dealing with this and realizing that it doesn’t matter what someone else is like or doing, I needed to focus and worry about the person I was and wanted to be. It worked for a while, until I decided that I was going to do a bake sale for the victims of the Tsunami in Japan. Not only was she not supportive- she and her husband went out of their ways to write to me and about me shitty things about what I was doing. I didn’t respond to anything and instead just made it so she couldn’t see anything that was going on in my life (think Facebook) and stopped talking to her right then and there. I was so very hurt, and it was going to be for the last time- or so I hoped.
      Through the last 4 months- and the shit I’ve been trying to work through- people are making assumptions, asking questions, passing judgements, and giving their opinions about what is going on..  Amanda all of a sudden started asking me to friends with her once again on Facebook- and sending me emails… Now I knew that she must have heard something about the situation, and Amanda loves drama.. So this was the only reason to be hearing from her all of a sudden… I ignored it for a bit and then thought that I should give her the benefit of the doubt… maybe she just had changed. We exchanged a few small emails- catching up but not really going into too much detail. Though she kept trying. Until the other day I got a text message from my mom- who told me that Amanda was now contacting HER trying to dig up info- and really that was it for me.. I knew what I thought was going on, was truly the case. So when she messaged me an hour or so later I decided that it was time to just clear the air.. This is the conversation word for word- it just needs to be shared for my own steam blowing…

  • Yesterday

    • Hey girl!!

  • Yesterday
    Crystal Coco

    • hey
  • Yesterday

    • You guys are moving!!!!!???
  • Yesterday
    Crystal Coco
    • I did
  • Yesterday

    • Oh? Are you guys getting divorced?!
    • God we need to catch up darling...
  • Yesterday
    Crystal Coco
    • A lot of things have changed/ are changing - based on how our friendship has gone in the past I’m not sure hanging out is a good idea right now.
  • Yesterday

    • Ok! Well you have a great self centered life with yoga and ropes.... Bye.... James was a great guy, I hope you realize there is just more important things in life.... Until then have a blast growing up!!!
  • Yesterday
    Crystal Coco
    • This is what I’m talking about Amanda.. I didn’t even say anything bad and you fly off the fucking handle as usual. Why can’t you take a step back and just see that I’m going through stuff and part of that is making sure that both James and I are getting what we need and want out of life and that might mean that we aren’t able to find that together? You have no idea what is even going on- and more importantly if you want to talk about important things in life you need to start worrying about yourself and the decisions you are making rather than judging someone. Living your life with all of this anger is only hurting you Amanda. You want to talk about being a friend… maybe you should have been supportive whenever I needed you instead of making comments and having your husband write on my facebook in judgement of a good thing I was doing. I just want you to look back at all of the times I was there for you and asked nothing in return.. Friendships work both ways. I have been nothing but honest with you and if you can’t handle that honesty- maybe you need to figure out why. Lets be real.. the ONLY reason you wanted to be my friend was because you knew something was going on and you can’t miss out on any drama. Don’t go bugging people for info about whats going on with me- they have nothing to do with any of this..
      I’m a good person and I don’t need your bullshit- seriously.. I have never talked about you behind your back- you know exactly how I feel.. I just can’t believe that you will forever be stuck in this negative cloud… don’t you want something better for yourself? I have given you chance after chance to be a part of my life- but I don’t want to have someone who is always miserable and saying shit about people around.. Bottom line is that you and I will never be friends like we used to be.. too much has happened.. too much has changed. Say whatever you want about me- I truly don’t care- because honestly, every one is saying and thinking whatever they want about me right now and it’s just not that important to me.
      And for the record- I know that James is an amazing guy- I don’t need anyone to tell me that.
  • Yesterday

    • You are so clearly up your own ass it's ridiculous!!! There's been as many times that I was there for you as you were there for me.... The most important day of my life you were a total bitch and I still wish I had my sister be my moh instead of you.... I'd take that back anyday. But you can't dwell on the stupid shit. You are so full of shit about not talking about me behind my back. You are just as back stabbing as any friend I've ever had... The only difference was that I truly cared about you. And as far as the negativity?? I am SO much more happy in my life than I have ever been.... You wouldn't know that though. You've been a bad friend to me for so much longer than I've been a "bad" friend to you... Your reasoning behind me being selfish I'm pretty sure is because I wouldn't visit you in providence??? If I'm off then great, what other reasons could there be?? I remember spending like 80 dollars for fraggle rock DVDs that you wanted so bad and years later handed them back to me unwrapped... I mean, the list goes on.... Andrew has never really liked you because you were always a shitty friend to me. I just don't get how you can possibly justify anything you have said, I mean clearly we were on separate planes. I would love to know when it was you needed me that I wasn't there for you.
      I'm sick of explaining things to you... I am angry with you for you acting like your better than everyone..... Including me. I've been through shit you couldn't even dream of.... And I don't run away across the country away from my problems, hurting everyone that loves me.... You really are a hard person to love. But I'm happy you've got life figured out... You're enlightened right???? You're the one who is going to be searching forever for something that satisfies you for now... You remind me so much of my mother..... That's not really a compliment in this case….
        I know that it shouldn’t bother me- I know.. but I haven’t mastered the art of letting go- and I’m working on it. That is part of the reason I’m sharing this here.. So if your still reading at this point- thanks for letting me unload all of this crap. I have no idea what I’m going to reply- if I reply at all… What would you do?   

Shit my Dad Says

Well not actually my dad- I’m talking about the book by Justin Halpern.. If you haven’t heard of this book then you better listen up! It’s a super easy read with some seriously funny shit.. I know there have been times I told you to run out and do something and my guess is that you didn’t actually go and do it.. however- do yourself a favor.. head to the library and get this book because you will find yourself in the middle of the laundry mat laughing out loud.. And here are a few gems to get you interested... 

"Confidence is the way to a woman’s heart, or at least into her pants- no one wants to lay the guy who wouldn’t lay himself”

‎"listen, I don't want to stifle your creativity, but that thing you built there, looks like a pile of shit.”

“I thought we were getting donuts,” I said“Nah, we’re going to have a real breakfast,” he replied as he pulled into the parking lot at our local Denny’s.“This is Denny’s,” I said.
“Well, aren’t you the fucking Queen of England.”

Now see- wasn’t that funny? The last one might be more amusing to me since I actually work at Denny’s- but you get the picture.. Speaking of while I need to get my ass in gear- see you after the egg-slinging. 

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Early start

 Morning all :) I’m trying to get on some type of schedule- obviously not with blogging since I’m all over the place with my posts, but just in general. This morning I had the alarm set for 7 and got out of bed at 7:10, not too bad! First things first, get that coffee on and try to figure out what I’m having for breakfast- since I’m out of my usual yogurt :( Fortunately I had purchased some a bag of Bob’s Red Mill Gluten free pancake mix! I made one batch and added 1/2 each of frozen blueberries and raspberries and I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised with how yummy these were! Usually I don’t eat pancakes because they don’t keep me full for very long (unless I eat a butt load of them and feel like a fatty) It took me about an hour to get everything made but it was totally worth it. I topped two pancakes with Almond Butter and went to town- along with a hard boiled egg, and I’m full :) I will definitely enjoy the leftover cakes throughout the days to come..
   With coffee and cakes/egg in my tummy I was ready to practice some yoga. It’s been a little while because I was moving last week.. I only did yoga twice. That’s unacceptable! This morning was my first practice in the apartment and it was a pretty good one. I focused on lots of inversions as always- included forearm stand, head stand, and of course my all time favorite- handstand. In total my practice lasted about 40 minutes, which isn’t too bad in my eyes. Usually I don’t practice any longer than an hour in my home practice because lets face it- when your home things can get distracting.. I start to think about all the things I have to do in the day that lies ahead and its so much easier to just cut short my mat time. I don’t judge the amount of time that I spend on the mat and think that I should stay longer or work harder- most importantly I just want to get on the mat at least 5 times a week, and that can be for 10 minutes.. but it just important to get yourself on that mat. I don’t care if you do 5 sun salutes and call it a day… it’s still a yoga practice and you are creating a pattern!

Monday, September 12, 2011

Counting- on friends and buckets of change

   One of the more positive things about being on my own is really spending time with my friends. Often times James and I would just hang out together- because really he has been my best friend for the last 8 years. While I still consider him to be so, there has obviously been a drop in the amount of time we hang out. I’ve been hanging out with my other friends a lot- and I can’t begin to say how thankful I am for each and every one of them.. and the unique things they each have to offer. While having your partner spend dual duty as your BFF is wonderful it can also lead to an imbalance.. or more accurately it can sometimes be hard to determine when you are there for them as a partner or as a friend; it can be hard to separate the two. As I spend time with my friends now I realize how I split my time unevenly. I have never been the girl who invests %100 percent of my time into a guy- you know the type I’m talking about.. the friend who molds into whatever the guy she is with at the time.. I always tried to maintain my own persona. Ultimately James and I did mold into a unit… but not exactly him into me or me into him, more like a blend of the two into what we thought we wanted to be. Obviously if your a reader you know it didn’t exactly work the way we would have liked it to. I know that I miss him, a lot.
   As I look over my budget, I get a bit freaked out. There is only so much money a girl can make while working two waitressing shifts. I know this won’t be forever- the woman who is pregnant will be going out to have the baby very soon and I will pick up those shifts. Until then I’m spending my evening with a glass of wine and 4 change jars.. Rolling change takes forever- but it never ceases to amaze me how much cash can fit into these small jars! What am I going to do with the cash? Well there are some things that need to be paid- like my $200 speeding ticket from Nevada, and a new windshield before winter sets in. The windshield is going to run me about $250- which isn’t really too bad… but it would have been better if I didn’t have to pay for something that was a freak thing! No I don’t have enough change to pay for both, but it’s one step closer.
     I hate having to worry about every singe penny that I spend but I know that this is only temporary. Until I pick up the extra shifts I’m keeping myself on a strict food and gas budget.. That means no driving around to visit friends that live 20 minutes away.. and really using up the bags of rice I had kicking around. I’m allowing $25 for food this coming week (which I will shop for on Wednesday I think) and since I put $20 of gas in the car the other day, I’m making that stretch until next week if possible. So what am I going to spend that precious $25 food budget on? I’m keeping it super simple: yogurt, almond milk, broccoli, romaine lettuce and fruit. A few of the items will be bought in bulk (frozen broccoli 5 lb bag, and romaine 6 pack) to save some money. I will use the pantry items to fill out any meals as well. I have two gallon sized bags of protein/ raw food bars, 3 different kinds of rice, rice noodles, oat bran, gluten free pancake mix, 2 dozen farm fresh eggs from my friend Ryan (thanks!) almond butter, almonds and some seeds.
   The good thing about having limited resources for meals is that things are kept super simple which is what my body really likes anyway. Plus it’s kind of fun to get creative with spices and combos :)
    Well I’m off to roll that change- have a good night!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Boxed wine and 90’s television

What better way to start the weekend than a classy box of red wine? Talk about hitting the tap huh? CHUG!
A couple friends came over Friday night for what was supposed to be a “Coco is getting a new table for the apartment- let’s put the 300 pieces together!” Party.. However the purchasing of the table fell through - and we ended up drinking and watching “Salute your Shorts” Now for those of you that aren’t aware of this television show from 1991- get your butt over to google and figure out how you can get this show.. seriously- it’s one of the few shows that are actually as awesome as I remember.. It’s about a group of kids at summer camp.. it’s awesome.. it’s Epic.. just go find it..


Eventually- (and it didn’t take long) the wine hit me and I was feeling pretty good.. I can’t be held responsible for the  things I say and do when the wine has taken over. Luckily I didn’t get sick even though the room was spinning a bit and I felt like I would need to take a cold shower. Many, many, many episodes were watched and eventually I made it to my bed (also known as the massage mat on the floor) and managed to wake up Saturday without a hangover.. How on earth did I manage that?

I even made it to a pilates class- something I haven’t done in at least a month and a half.. so I was pretty proud of my self.. However since I hadn’t been there in forever, I totally sucked and was struggling to get my body to work properly.. especially when one of the students was asking me to demo forearm stand and scorpion first thing. I headed to my Melinda’s house for some much needed coffee and smoothie (which was also made with coffee- along with bananas, strawberries and chocolate soymilk- omg so good BTW) We headed out for some shopping- searching for an affordable kitchen table for me and work shoes for her. Ultimately we ended up getting appetizers and a bottle of wine which we polished off before heading back to her place.  We parted ways- I still have no table, but she was successful :)  I headed to Paula’s house- hung out and then headed back to my place to watch more 90s TV and have more of the SAME box of wine.. Dude.. there is 5 liters in there.. that’s like 4 bottles of wine- for $12.. I know, I know.. your jealous of the awesome-ness..
     After a good nights sleep- two pots of coffee and some breakfast- I took Hydro to Melinda’s house for a walk with her and her fur baby Daisy. We hit up the bike path and the kids swam in the pond.. Hydro has never been a dog to go swimming. He has literally done it with resistance like 3 times… but not today! Daisy loves the water and I think her swimming made him less scared! I was so proud- he’s actually living up to his name! He’s so exhausted- it’s pretty cute :)
    James and I hung out- he bought me dinner at a local Japanese place.. it was AMAZING! I ordered Veggie Pad Thai and ate it all.. No seriously.. it was so good.. I couldn’t stop myself. Then we got dessert.. I’m talking Fried bananas and vanilla ice cream. OMG.. It was really nice to hang out with James.. I really miss him. There is a really big part of me that wishes and hopes we get back together… He is an amazing guy- and I can’t imagine loving anyone as much as I have loved him for the last 8 years… I just wish it was easy..
   Well there you have it.. the cliff notes of the weekend… Funny that the box of wine is still going strong.. I’m still drinking it right now!

Friday, September 9, 2011

Carpet picnics?

     Buying a kitchen table has proved to be a pain in the ass.. Plain and simple. I don’t have the actual cash to buy it myself- and my mom offered to get something for me, or more accurately asked if I needed anything. I initially said no- I have never asked either one of my parents for anything since the day I moved out.. The way I see it, I’m on my own- meaning that even if I have no food, I’m not asking for anything.. True story: When I moved out to my first apartment, things were super tight. I had under $20 for food each week.. we ate a whole lot of pasta and shopped in the reduced section. Fortunately I worked at a cafe at the time and could take bagels and pastry at the end of the night that would otherwise get tossed. My dad came to visit and we had close to nothing in the fridge and pantry and was actually mad at me for not asking for money.. But I’ve always been too proud to say that I was failing. Long story short… we went shopping for a table (mom wasn’t actually planning on buying me anything, she was just offering things that were extra from when she and her husband moved in together, oops) I ended up finding one at Target that was pretty affordable- we went back to get it today and they didn’t even have any to sell.. in the entire state.. Seriously Target.. Why do you have it on display if I can’t even buy one!  I’ve decided that it is just not going to happen right now.. it’s not time for me to get a table and when it is- one will show itself to me.. hah- until then I’m going to carpet picnic it.. it works- and who knows I might just roll with that indefinitely..
    Hydro moved in yesterday (my youngest fur baby) and is totally loving that there is a run here for him. I think it’s going to take some getting used to, to be without Sammy.. But he seems to be loving getting all of the attention and going to car rides with me where ever I go. Even if it’s a short trip to the gas station or to get coffee, he loves being the center of attention. Who wouldn’t right?

   What seems to be the most interesting thing I’ve noticed since this whole transition has started is that I feel like a completely different person. I ultimately am the same girl- but it seems like my life has jumped tracks and I’m on a brandy new path. Maybe it’s my outlook on life- the fact that it’s too short to not follow your heart… But I have a whole new appreciation for the person that I am becoming- or maybe the person that I’m uncovering. I have a lot to offer someone- whether that be in friendship or in a relationship down the road.. It seems weird that I could give someone advice that would be beneficial- but really I’ve been through a whole lot in my 25 years of life. I know the struggles that I’ve been through and I know that I’m still and always will be working on those things- or maybe these things will shift and new things will show themselves that I will have to work on to work towards being the person that I want to be.. but I can see someone going through these things and be the person to them that Jason has been for me.. I will call you out on your shit and make you see that you have an amazing potential that you have yet to realize..

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Moving days..

   I started moving stuff over to the new place Tuesday morning- after my bucket of morning coffee. Packing really hadn’t begun because I didn’t have any boxes and was waiting for a friend to grab some from work. I did have some stuff that I just shoved into the car, mostly kitchen stuff, bathroom/ shower stuff, and my thai massage mat/blankets to sleep on. I dragged my friend along to the store to get some last minute things and to hang out (she even made me lunch!) I unloaded a couple of car loads and hung out with some more friends (two friends, two separate hanging outs!) It was so weird to be in the apartment- alone.. I mean sure I had a friend hanging out.. but it was the first time in “my place”.. Weird.
    I ended up not getting much sleep- but I had to work at 8 so I dragged my butt out of bed with about 20 minutes to spare and pulled a fireman. As I was driving to work I looked over at the passengers side windshield.. and surprise surprise- there is a 7-8 inch CRACK!! I guess from the temp changes or whatever it cracked.. but seriously- My car is new(ish) and I still owe like half the amount on it! I do not have the time or money to fix this and I’m hoping that the insurance will cover the costs. So after freaking out about that for half and hour.. the work day started.. It was a slow day- which means, little money.. I’m not gonna lie- I’m freaking out about being able to afford everything on my own! I’m good with money but this is going to be pretty tight… Oh yeah.. in other news I am pretty sure I have pink eye and I’m going to try and make it through work- because there is no way I can not go in.. I am BROKE! haha..
   Its amazing how much money moving into a new place costs. I mean I’m not even going out and buying new furniture or anything like that.. I’m talking basics- cleaning supplies, stocking the fridge and pantry for the first time, area rugs- even though I haven’t bought much, I’ve still managed to spend a few hundred dollars.
   Candida cleanse update: The cleanse went quite well! I completed 12 days on the cleanse- steering clear of all fruit, sugar, gluten and processed foods. During that time I had gluten once- on eggplant parm, and a few bites of mango salsa.. otherwise I was super strict.. At this point I feel like it was beneficial- and have since realized how much gluten affects my body. Since eliminating it from my diet- I feel less bloated have had many fewer issues with gas and general belly discomfort. I have decided to stay gluten free! :) I’m not going to stand here and say that I’m never going to eat a piece of pizza when I’m out with my friends or on a special occasion.. but I’m going to avoid it- most of the time. The thing that I find interesting is how well my body seems to be running while eating the candida diet and I’m going to do my best to continue to loosely follow the guidelines. Except for the ice cream I ate the other night! (Ok here’s the deal.. I had been wanting and craving ice cream for days.. I’m talking 4-5 days! So I don’t feel guilty!)
    As of today I’m going to bring some lower sugar fruits back into my diet- berries, apples and pears. I’m still going to limit the amount that I eat pretty dramatically for a bit to see how well it does. I’m talking 1/4 cup of blueberries in my yogurt (OMG fruit is so amazing and I miss you so much!!!) and maybe half and apple or pear at a time. Plus this will help my small budget!
     Off to work to hopefully bring home some moolah!

Monday, September 5, 2011


   During this shift in my life there has been a lot of questions surrounding what my next move should be. Most of this time I have felt like I’m floating around without a clue- without direction. I’ve been putting it out in the universe; It’s been the intention in my yoga practices (along with finding self confidence).  I’ve said it a million times- but I’m really excited to get my own space.. and I think that it’s going to bring some clarity to what my next step will be.
  It’s a double edged sword. As much as I can’t wait to have this space- I’m terrified that I will not be able to afford everything on my own. Everything is so very real now- as tomorrow I’m going to pay the rent through Sept. and get the keys. I’ll start moving stuff in right away- and while there isn’t really a whole lot of stuff.. it’s still going to take time- and effort. Unfortunately it’s going to cost some money- Area rugs, A bed, a kitchen table, basic supplies for kitchen/bath/cleaning and living room stuff. AHHH so much stuff- so little money!!! It’s going to be a welcome challenge- let’s see how much I can stretch a dollar :)
   So if you have any tips or tricks for me I’m listening!!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Push your limits- Handstands!

 After months and months (ok more than a year) of consistent practice- I have just held a freestanding handstand for 15 seconds! I know that doesn’t seem too impressive or even that difficult, but believe me- when you have a super flexible, bendy body it is! I have always been able to come into a handstand for a second or two- or hold it for a long time against a wall.. but the freestanding handstand has been something that I have been working on forever! Each time I practice yoga at home I do a handstanding section where I try to get into and hold a handstand 20 times. Now sometimes that means I just get up there and come right back down- sometimes I don’t even make it up, but just the action of trying to get into it- and come down with control,  is great practice. Learning to handstand is all about the numbers.. The more you try the more likely you will have success.
   A great example: My friend Flip and I drove cross country just a month ago as you remember… and at each and every stop on the drive out we had decided that we would do conditioning.. That included 10 handstands at first, along with some other things like planks, hollow body holds, rolling vinyasa’s (All things I will show you at some point soon) After the first few times- we amped it up and did 20 handstands at each stop- I have video of us doing them at 4 in the morning after I had just driven for 4 hours and wanted to kill her for holding me accountable and making me do it. We did over 140 handstands in total- that was just what we counted!
   Sure, handstands aren’t for everyone- but they are one of my favorite things to do.. Yes I can’t always do them as well as I hope.. but I have seen so much improvement and look forward to being able to hold them for 30 seconds at a time, every time. In your yoga practice sometimes you can get bored… Yes I’m saying it, BORED. I mean let’s get real here for a second- you can only do so many sun salutes, warriors and vinyasa’s- before you are looking for something to challenge you (Maybe its just me?) I think for me because I teach I get burned out pretty quickly and don’t really get why people like to stay in their comfort zone- well duh, it’s comfortable! However my personal philosophy is about pushing limits and questioning everything- it’s the only way to grow! While I encourage my students to do the same, I really try to hold myself to impossible standards in an effort to achieve greatness, whatever that might be.
   So I challenge you- Take a look at yourself. Are you pushing yourself and your limits each and every day? 

Do you ever practice handstands? Did you do them as a kid? I call myself a backyard gymnast. Although I took gymnastics for a little bit as a kid- I would mostly just flip around on my own.. To this day I’m always working on my “skills” which sometimes means I fall flat on my face- or entertain random drunk people at parties, haha. Heck, sometimes I’m the one half in the bag which is why I’m jumping and flipping around in the first place!
Do you have any backyard gymnastical skills?