For a little back story- Amanda was a girl I met my senior year of high school and quickly became good friends with. We hung out a lot… and continued to hang out as the years past. There were times where we didn’t hang out because of a fight or whatever- but one of us would always go crawling back to the other wanting to hang out. It was never the same and if anything was just this constant nagging thing that was in the background. As we got older and started to take different paths (mine the yoga type path- hers the baby making path) we grew even farther apart and I realized what kind of influence her presents was having in my life. Understand that I’m not saying she was the reason for things that did or didn’t happen.. I’m just saying that we are who we surround ourselves with to a certain extent- and I came to the realization that I couldn’t be around her, and her negativity any more. I told her that I didn’t think I could hang out with her anymore, that we were going in two different directions- though I wished her the best and told her that if she ever needed anything for her kids that I would be there as much as I could be. Anyway eventually through the power of social networks we started to talk a bit… and once again I felt that there was just a negative energy that she was constantly putting on- an energy that I was taking in whenever we hung out. I felt like maybe this was my work- dealing with this and realizing that it doesn’t matter what someone else is like or doing, I needed to focus and worry about the person I was and wanted to be. It worked for a while, until I decided that I was going to do a bake sale for the victims of the Tsunami in Japan. Not only was she not supportive- she and her husband went out of their ways to write to me and about me shitty things about what I was doing. I didn’t respond to anything and instead just made it so she couldn’t see anything that was going on in my life (think Facebook) and stopped talking to her right then and there. I was so very hurt, and it was going to be for the last time- or so I hoped.
Through the last 4 months- and the shit I’ve been trying to work through- people are making assumptions, asking questions, passing judgements, and giving their opinions about what is going on.. Amanda all of a sudden started asking me to friends with her once again on Facebook- and sending me emails… Now I knew that she must have heard something about the situation, and Amanda loves drama.. So this was the only reason to be hearing from her all of a sudden… I ignored it for a bit and then thought that I should give her the benefit of the doubt… maybe she just had changed. We exchanged a few small emails- catching up but not really going into too much detail. Though she kept trying. Until the other day I got a text message from my mom- who told me that Amanda was now contacting HER trying to dig up info- and really that was it for me.. I knew what I thought was going on, was truly the case. So when she messaged me an hour or so later I decided that it was time to just clear the air.. This is the conversation word for word- it just needs to be shared for my own steam blowing…
- hey
- I did
- A lot of things have changed/ are changing - based on how our friendship has gone in the past I’m not sure hanging out is a good idea right now.
- YesterdayCrystal Coco
- This is what I’m talking about Amanda.. I didn’t even say anything bad and you fly off the fucking handle as usual. Why can’t you take a step back and just see that I’m going through stuff and part of that is making sure that both James and I are getting what we need and want out of life and that might mean that we aren’t able to find that together? You have no idea what is even going on- and more importantly if you want to talk about important things in life you need to start worrying about yourself and the decisions you are making rather than judging someone. Living your life with all of this anger is only hurting you Amanda. You want to talk about being a friend… maybe you should have been supportive whenever I needed you instead of making comments and having your husband write on my facebook in judgement of a good thing I was doing. I just want you to look back at all of the times I was there for you and asked nothing in return.. Friendships work both ways. I have been nothing but honest with you and if you can’t handle that honesty- maybe you need to figure out why. Lets be real.. the ONLY reason you wanted to be my friend was because you knew something was going on and you can’t miss out on any drama. Don’t go bugging people for info about whats going on with me- they have nothing to do with any of this..
I’m a good person and I don’t need your bullshit- seriously.. I have never talked about you behind your back- you know exactly how I feel.. I just can’t believe that you will forever be stuck in this negative cloud… don’t you want something better for yourself? I have given you chance after chance to be a part of my life- but I don’t want to have someone who is always miserable and saying shit about people around.. Bottom line is that you and I will never be friends like we used to be.. too much has happened.. too much has changed. Say whatever you want about me- I truly don’t care- because honestly, every one is saying and thinking whatever they want about me right now and it’s just not that important to me.
And for the record- I know that James is an amazing guy- I don’t need anyone to tell me that.
- You are so clearly up your own ass it's ridiculous!!! There's been as many times that I was there for you as you were there for me.... The most important day of my life you were a total bitch and I still wish I had my sister be my moh instead of you.... I'd take that back anyday. But you can't dwell on the stupid shit. You are so full of shit about not talking about me behind my back. You are just as back stabbing as any friend I've ever had... The only difference was that I truly cared about you. And as far as the negativity?? I am SO much more happy in my life than I have ever been.... You wouldn't know that though. You've been a bad friend to me for so much longer than I've been a "bad" friend to you... Your reasoning behind me being selfish I'm pretty sure is because I wouldn't visit you in providence??? If I'm off then great, what other reasons could there be?? I remember spending like 80 dollars for fraggle rock DVDs that you wanted so bad and years later handed them back to me unwrapped... I mean, the list goes on.... Andrew has never really liked you because you were always a shitty friend to me. I just don't get how you can possibly justify anything you have said, I mean clearly we were on separate planes. I would love to know when it was you needed me that I wasn't there for you.
I'm sick of explaining things to you... I am angry with you for you acting like your better than everyone..... Including me. I've been through shit you couldn't even dream of.... And I don't run away across the country away from my problems, hurting everyone that loves me.... You really are a hard person to love. But I'm happy you've got life figured out... You're enlightened right???? You're the one who is going to be searching forever for something that satisfies you for now... You remind me so much of my mother..... That's not really a compliment in this case…._______________________________________________________________I know that it shouldn’t bother me- I know.. but I haven’t mastered the art of letting go- and I’m working on it. That is part of the reason I’m sharing this here.. So if your still reading at this point- thanks for letting me unload all of this crap. I have no idea what I’m going to reply- if I reply at all… What would you do?
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