Wednesday, July 1, 2015

I'll see you in my dreams

 Last night Hydro visited me in my dreams. I got on or was on a raft and I looked over to see Hydro just sitting there. I came closer to him, staring and looking him in the eyes. And then I howled liked I used to to get him to howl along with me. He watched and after the first time, he howled along with me and I immediately started crying happily as I threw my arms around his neck and we continued to howl together. Thats all I remember- but I felt so much joy and comfort in my dream and when I woke up from it.

I think I finally feel peace for him.

As soon as my morning alarm goes off, Adi comes in to the bedroom to crawl into bed and snuggle with me, and Tuna soon after. She reminds me so much of Hydro that I sometimes yell his name when I'm reprimanding her- and every time, it makes me smile. I love the little reminders of him in moments of aggravation or anger that just make me laugh and think about all the crazy shit he used to do. He impacted my life in ways that I can never fully understand or explain- and I am so grateful that I got to be his momma.


Saturday, May 16, 2015

That time I had surgery... Awake

I had this tumor thing. 
I had it for at least two years- and it was creeping me the fuck out. 
I met with the surgeon and he explained the procedure and tried to talk me out of getting it removed.  But if you have ever had something in your body that didn't belong, you know how much you want that thing out! It was thought to be a lipoma, a fatty tumor, which is unlikely to be malignant.
So I was told that the whole procedure would take 10-15 minutes, maybe longer if it was behind the muscle (which he thought it was) and that I would be awake...  Um.. I'm sorry, what?! 
The day of the surgery, I was so scared- I cried the whole way there. I'm a friggen baby folks, what can I say? 
I got into the procedure room almost an hour after I was scheduled- (guess the person before me was busy freaking the fuck out too) a big thank you to that poor nurse who had to deal with my whiny ass. She had me take my shirt off in exchange for a johnny, and lay on the table. This would have been the part where I expected to be given some kind of drug to calm me down... or at least get me high. But, unfortunately I wasn't so lucky. 
The surgeon came in, explained that I was going to get a couple injections of lidocaine (which they said was the worst part... they lied) and then we would get started.. 
At this point, I was crying and shaking my leg so hard I was practically vibrating off the damn table and I really started to grill this dude... Like, hello?? Where the fuck are my drugs?! 
He did the first two injections, which didn't feel like anything- especially compared to getting your feet tattooed. This dude already had the scalpel in hand 30 seconds later- and I panicked.. 

I can still feel that! 
His response? "Oh you're still going to feel everything, just not the pain." 
WHAT, NO... You never fucking told me that..  I can really still feel that..
"Ok, ok.. I'll give you a little more lidocaine." 

My freaking out escalated- so much so that the surgeon didn't want to preform the surgery at all. He said I was freaking out too much and that we should reschedule so he could put me under. He worried that he would start cutting into me and I wouldn't make it through, which would have been really bad. 

I thought about it for a few and convinced myself that I had to stop being a baby and get this over with..(especially since I had just paid $250 to be there) and then proceeded to convince this dude to cut this shit out.. NOW.  It took a couple minutes to get him to agree to do it- but I convinced him. 

A scalpel cutting into your flesh sounds like ripping paper in your head. You can not only hear this sound with your ears, you can feel it with your whole body. Every clink of a clamp, or cut of a scissor... I could feel everything that was going on. There was no pain exactly... but I could feel his fingers, the pressure, the prodding.. 
"I have good news... Your friend is gone!" 
And just when I thought it was over... He shoved his fingers in there to "make sure it was all out" and started to stitch me up. 
I gagged, "This is fucking disgusting!" which actually made him giggle. When he finished he showed me before bandaging it and also showed me my "friend". 
By the way, It took 25 minutes- not 10.. 
I left there completely exhausted... and had a giant ice cream sundae- Totally deserved. 
I got to take the bandage off 3 days later..
 And a day after that, the butterfly stitches. The bruising stayed for a couple weeks..
And finally.. the finished product,  Friend-free. The area is still sensitive and I gag if it gets touched.. I think I just have PTSD, lol.  
It turned out to be benign. However, chances of lipomas returning, or popping up in other locations are extremely high.  
In all seriousness- I owe Dr. Jones a lot of props. He was pretty great through everything and handled me pretty well. I will totally go back to him if I need to... though next time, I'm taking drugs. haha. 

Friday, November 7, 2014

Birthday Recap

Wednesday was my birthday... 29! Yikes.. Even though this will be my last year in the 20’s, which definitely freaks me out a little, I’m determined to make it the best year yet!
I started the day early with Tuna-Moose, coffee and a little snack before I headed off to the gym. 
I got in an awesome leg workout and they even hooked me up with a free drink when I walked in the gym.

I got home, showered quickly and got ready for breakfast

I knew what I was going to have at least 2 days before we actually went.. WAFFLES and bacon, duh.
 I promise, under all that whipped cream there are bananas. I only ate half of everything despite my ambitious attempt.
Right after breakfast, we headed to Providence. I wanted to hit up the thrift store to look for some clothes- (and found two pairs of jeans for $13) and walked around for quite a while. The weather was amazing, mild and bright, so we grabbed some coffee and hung out on the deck of The Coffee Exchange.
 We continued walking until it was time for birthday ice cream!
 Actually it was birthday froyo.. I hate cake, so its always ice cream for me! I think they knew it was my birthday because they had Birthday Cake Froyo on tap.. I also mixed it with my all time favorite- Vanilla.. Topped with cheese cake, chocolate turtles, heath bar crumbles, sprinkles, coconut and cherries. Mikey and I shared.
 We headed back to the car and back home around 1:30 because I had to do homework before I went to class. Mikey got me this adorable hat and a new jacket/sweatshirt- but it was way too hot for the jacket.. 
 This is the one part of my birthday that I would have cut out.. hahah.. 3 hours of lecture.. EWWW.
 Form school, I headed to work to meet up with my friends from dinner and drinks.. since they still had another hour left on the shift, I started without them
 Ginger Martinis for the win!
I had a great time with the girls, and even won a $50 gift card!
Let 29 begin! 

Wednesday, October 22, 2014


  Wow, I’m really awesome at that whole disappearing act huh? 
Yeah- it’s been 3 months, at least. The funny thing is that there isn’t really a whole lot to report. The summer months were stuffed with school stuff since I’m trying to get into a very competitive program, which I will be applying to in February. Here’s the deal- 24 people get into the Physical Therapist Assistant program a year- the odds are about 1:4- and while my grades are awesome, there is still no guarantee. 
So I pretty much have been killing myself to get perfect grades... Taking 3 summer classes was intense- completely fucking ridiculous. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I spent 10+ hours a day studying- tutored in the Anatomy lab twice a week, and I only worked 2 shifts a week at the restaurant. 
There really wasn’t time for much else, and when there was some free time, I couldn’t even stay awake.
 However, I got A’s in all three classes and I survived- if anything this schedule is a glimpse as to what it will be like when I get into the program.

We did manage to get a few fun outings in, including Waterfire with Tuna-moose

And an amazing weekend in New Hampshire with Mike’s family at an amazing house right on the lake

 Apparently one of the dudes from The Walking Dead had stayed there the week before we did!

Tuna-moose was finally able to meet Bentley- they play so well together- and he is super excited to have a built in buddy as you can see 


Exhausted Tuna

I finally got my Hydro tattoo worked on- sucked just as much as every other time!
So pretty and totally worth it!
 And I went back to my pink roots and got some piercings- because you only have one life and it is way too short to try to squeeze into the mold society wants to shove you into.  Fuck ordinary.

The fall semester came only 4 weeks after the summer semester ended... Not even close to enough time off from school. The first month of class was extremely rough- like make you cry alone in your car on the drive home- kind of rough.
 Good thing for best friends and new traditions- specifically Monday night hang outs which include wine and girly things like “Mint Mask Monday"

My new schedule leaves me with absolutely zero days off. I have class Monday, Wednesday and Thursday nights- tutoring Monday, Tuesday and Thursday morning- and work Friday night, Saturday double (Holla for 13 hour shifts!) and Sunday morning. The rest of the time is study time. 
It is completely exhausting- mentally, physically and emotionally. It took the first month just to be able to adjust- but now its just the way things are.
When things are completely out of control and also out of MY control, I start to unravel a bit. 
Because of my ADHD, I need things to be a certain way to keep my sanity. When your head is an unorganized mess on the reg, keeping things in your environment situated and "just so" is extremely important- at least for me. So things were really, really rough there for a bit. 
I’m working on learning how to deal with imperfection- but I’m a perfectionist- haha. 

So... not seeing Sammy was really getting to me. I think about Sammy every single day, and I miss him like crazy normally- but I literally NEEDED to see him. So I bit the bullet and reached out so I could see my little man for a few days. It was just what I needed. 
Sammy Snuggles! 
Plus he and Tuna had a great time being together again :)
Reunited and it feels so good! 

He stayed over for most of the week before I had to bring him back :( 
Hopefully, visitation will be a semi-regular occurrence because I need that mutt around! 

Mike and I got dressed up for Kristin’s wedding- which was absolutely beautiful! 

And in the same week, Paula and I went to visit Jen and Ryan in Salem. So much fun! 

Then it was back to reality.. Midterm exams!

I’m halfway through :)


Thursday, July 10, 2014

#Realworldproblems #Summerschool #Assignments

  Since I know you all must be wondering where in the world is Crystal Coco these days?! Ive been surgically attached to my kitchen study chair, diligently doing my work for the three summer classes I was taking. Summer school is intense, cramming 15 weeks of school work into 6-8 weeks is insane! Taking three summer classes?! Cause for alarm, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices to get ahead. Things are finally slowing down since I’ve finished two of the classes- both with A’s thank you very much! Finishing up these last couple of weeks of Kinesiology alone is going to be a cake walk (and way less study time).

    So I thought it might be fun to share one of the assignments from this past week- that I thought was pretty cool, and that I did completely last minute on the due date (which happens to be today), oops. It took me HOURS! ( and I feel like it needs to be shared, if only for my own sanity, for wasting so much time on something that is only worth like 10% of my final grade- on an amazingly beautiful summer day- but that is a conversation for another post)

The assignment was to pick a functional activity that used all of the muscle groups we’ve learned about so far, and break it down. I chose the handstand. Now, I don’t really know how functional this activity is for “everyone” but it is an activity that I do regularly, along with those who do yoga, cross fit, or gymnastics.. So I just went with it.
(Totally borrowing these photos from the good old inter webs)

 The handstand uses practically every muscle group in your body to maintain balance and form while flipped upside down, making it an extremely complex functional activity. While there seems to be quite a bit of strength involved, the balance is where the work really comes in. The cooperative relationship of the muscles on both sides of the body achieve and maintain the alignment of the bones which allow us to balance our weight evenly over the base of our hands. 
    Starting bent over, the hands are placed on the floor shoulder distance apart with the fingers and thumb splayed apart to make for a wide and stable base. (Fingers abducted by: Dorsal Interossei, Abductor Digiti Minimi. The thumb is extended by: Extensor Pollicis Longus, Extensor Pollicis Brevis.) While simultaneously flexing the wrist, (Extensor Carpi Radialis Longus & Brevis, Extensor Carpi Ulnaris) pronating the forearm, (Pronator Teres, Pronator Quadratus) and extending the elbow joint, (Triceps Brachii- both heads, Aconeus). The shoulder is fully flexed and the arm slightly abducted to keep the arms “over head”, (Anterior Deltoid, Pectoralis Major, Posterior Deltoid, Supraspinatus) with the Coracobracialis helping to maintain the shoulders stability. The shoulder blades are in an upwardly rotated and protracted position with the contraction of Upper and Lower Trapezius and Serratus Anterior. 
    The Hamstring group flexes one of the knees, allowing that leg to act as a spring, catapolting the legs over head. Now the rest of the work begins! The trunk muscles together are responsible for much of the balance in this posture. Muscles are active on both the posterior and anterior aspects of the body to maintain the stability and integrity of the posture. 
    On the posterior aspect, the head, neck and spine are extended, Spenius Capitus and Spenius Cervicis have this action covered at the head and neck level. However they get help from all three of the muscles of the Errector Spinae group, Transversospinalis and Interspinales which are also responsible for the extension of the neck, but also the spine. On the anterior aspect, the Rectus Abdominis, External and Internal Obliques are contracting, keeping the trunk flexed to oppose the posterior muscles. Toss in the Transverse Abdominis, and all four of these muscles are contracting to compress the abdomen as you "draw the navel toward the spine" to achieve a solid core which will translate into balance.    
   As we move upward toward the legs, the hip is slightly flexed, legs are straight (as the knees are in extension) and drawn together as the feet reach up toward the sky.  Hip flexion is occurring with the contraction of Iliopsoas, Sartorious, TFL, Rectus Femoris and Pectineus. Pectineus works double time and helps in the adduction of the legs. The Gracillis, Adductor Longus, Adductor Brevis, and Adductor Magnus muscles also aid in the squeezing of the legs toward the midline. Finally the knees are in extension by way of the Quadriceps group, (Rectus Femoris, Vastus Lateralis, Vastus Intermedialis, Vastus Medialis).
    There you are, a handstanding pro! 

Thursday, June 26, 2014

3 Words

Beach at Dusk
 Tiny Tim Project
 Hide Your Face
 Engineers building fires
 Dirty Study Aids
 Perfect Summer Hair
 Tuna-Moose on water
 Pounds of Gummies
 Must Shoot Skeet 
 Ineffective Study Buddy
 Hold Me Human
 Waiting for Doctors
 Drugs are Bad
 Too Much Money
 Squishy Faced Selfies
 Comfy Pillow Pet
 Sun, Sunroofs, Boys <3 p="">
 ALL the Sushi
 Tuna-moose has Apparel 
 Running, Exhaustion, Happy.
 Roommate leaves notes
 Summer Shrimp Kabobs