Workin it

   The rest of Tuesday and into this morning was spent working, working, working.. In fact I didn’t finish until after 3 am! I ended up staying at my friends house in an attempt to get some sleep since I have to work in less than an hour- but I didn’t get much sleep.. and now I’m chug-a-luging on the coffee train in an attempt to be awake and ready for the day. Truth be told, getting my own place requires a need for money and if I have to stay up late to make it- that’s what needs to be done. After meeting up with my friends mom/ new landlord for lunch yesterday- getting my own place is really soaking in. The apartment just needs a cleaning since it has been a little bit since anyone has actually lived there, and a refrigerator- and we are planning for a move in within the next couple weeks. Until then I’m working hard and saving every penny so that I will have enough to get some furniture and basics for the place.
   

Drag your friends

As it turns out, getting to the gym yesterday was much more difficult than I had thought. Luckily when I called Paula to see if she was into it- she jumped on it. We hit the elliptical for a hot minute and sweated it out like champs. We parted ways for showers and snacks before meeting back up to go to Old Navy. To our surprise everything was half off… Who knew? Even after walking around and finding arms full of clothing I only ended up with two shirts, what do you think?

Of course as I walked through I also found these sunglasses ($5! and this rockin hat- $7.50!!!) Sorry for the bad picture..

 The rest of the day was filled with hanging out and food- duh! I’m definitely struggling at times with the lack of sugar in my life.. The gluten isn’t a problem at all, which is weird- but I just want some fruit or frozen banana soft-serve! Instead of giving into the nagging urge I went to basic yoga last night at the studio, came home and talked to the neighbors about another neighbor who gave himself the neighborhood watch tittle and annoys everyone as he sits out in his yard like a creep watching everyone. I crashed out pretty early for some much needed Z’s.

     This morning I woke up at 6:30am naturally, ok maybe with a little help from my furry rug-rats. Yogurt, almond butter, and a vat of coffee later I was slacking off yet again. But this time Paula called me and got me to the gym. We did a HIIT run on the treadmill- which happened to be her first time and she rocked it! She hates the treadmill so getting her on there, and getting her to jog was a great step forward :) I really think my calling is to be a Personal Trainer- 1. because I like to push people to realize their greatness and potential and 2. because I like to yell at people a bit :)

What are your plans for the rest of Tuesday??
   I’m headed to a lunch date with my friends Mom (who’s apartment I’m going to be renting) to talk about the place and details. I’ll probably hit up Target afterwards for some odds and ends- and the rest of the day is up in the air!

  

Protein packed!

Irene is gone and the sun is back- Thankfully there was no damage to my place and we can return to regularly scheduled programming.

I’ve been eating this every morning for breakfast- I miss eating fruit the most during breakfast. Today is day 5 and I’m going strong. On the agenda this morning: yoga/bodyrock combo, gym for some cardio, and hitting up the mall like a teenager to find some clothes- I’m in DIRE need of clothing update. It’s been so long since I’ve gotten anything new- but I’m looking for a little more grown up look. Though I’m not planning on being much of a grown up any time soon!

    

   So here’s the deal- I’m looking for pieces that are versatile, mostly because I don’t have a ton of money and I hate having a lot of stuff. Stuff not only clutters my closet but it makes me crazy. So searching for items that I can pair with my Lulu Lemon Leggings (that I already own, black and grey) Frey boots which can be paired with any color- maybe some ballet flats, and some pieces that I can dress up for a night out or down for everyday. I’m really fashion handicapped so any ideas or pictures would be appreciated!    

Any clothing suggestions?? 

Making the money

    I made it through the first day back at Denny’s- surprisingly it wasn’t so bad. It was pretty slow but steady so for the 4 hours I was there time flew by. Coming back to all of my co-workers, I’m getting asked about how things are and what’s new and where I’m living. I have to say its really nice to be around them all again.. even though its hard to explain over and over again the situation. It was a productive day money wise and because of Hurricane Irene I don’t have to work Sunday.. (Rhode Island like much of the surrounding areas are in in state of emergency) I spent the rest of the afternoon helping and hanging out with a friend- and the day flew by. Before I knew it, it was 8:30pm and I still hadn’t eaten dinner! I headed home and whipped up a Candida friendly bowl of Oat Bran topped with full fat coconut milk and cinnamon. I guess I ate it too fast, or something because my stomach didn’t like it and kind of hurt for the rest of the night (I think its because it wasn’t certified gluten free oats- but it was the fastest thing to eat that was mostly candida friendly) I headed back to my friends house to watch a stand up comedy on Netflix.
   I was passed out as soon as I came home and didn’t wake up until 9 am to pouring rain and wind from good old Hurricane Irene. So far we still have power so we can use the internet and watch movies and such- but most of the people I know in surrounding areas have lost power- so I’ll be grateful :)

Friday finish.

     Melinda and I went for a walk around Carr’s pond last night. It was such a beautiful walk and took us about an hour. What is it about walking in the woods that gets all of the talking flowing? We drove to the grocery store and picked up some stuff for dinner, (rice noodles, with onions, peppers, garlic, broccoli and avocado- on a bed of spinach.) Oh my it was so amazing! We had dinner out on the deck and people watched with her boyfriend and house mate. I glass of sangria would have been nice, haha…
     Speaking of Candida diets…. I’ve noticed an interesting change- my stomach isn’t bloated, I seem less “puffy”. I’m sure it has to do with the lack of sugar and gluten. I can’t even tell you the amount of veggies I’ve eaten in the last few days- I thought I ate a lot of veggies before! Good thing I’m going back to work today so I can afford this diet!
     Off to work :P

Sometimes you just really don’t want to workout..

    But you lace up your shoes and do it anyway right? Right. This morning was one of those mornings. My stomach was feeling a bit wonky and I was feeling a bit ass-draggin.. but I knew I wouldn’t be upset if I did go.. I told myself that I would just go and do 30 mins. Getting out the door was the toughest part! I decided that I would try a HIIT workout that I found somewhere in bloggity-land.. Who knows where it comes from, but it was just the ass kicking I needed :) It looked something like this:

HIIT- 6x6
Warm up 5 mins
6x 1 min sprint/ 1 min recover
6x 30 sec sprint/ 90 sec recover
6x 45 sec sprint/ 90 sec recover
6x 20 sec sprint/ 40 sec recover
Cool down 5 mins

In all honesty I really like this style of workout- mostly because it keeps me busy and the time flys by. I did however modify towards the end- I did 4x 45 sec sprint /90 sec recover and 2x 20 sec sprint/ 40 sec recover, before cooling down leaving my time on the hamster wheel an even 45 mins. From there I did some stretching- along with 5 30 second handstands with slow lower downs, 2 drop backs (yoga style) and some forward folding to round it all out..  Talk about a SWEAT MONSTER!

Day 2 of the anti-candida diet is going well. It still seems very weird not eating any fruit- especially because I went grocery shopping yesterday and grabbed some amazing peaches, grapes, figs and bananas. I think I will be welcoming them back into my diet in 3 weeks with a party :) As far as cutting out gluten- I don’t really think thats going to be much of an issue for me, except when I out and havent had time to prepare or pack meals.. I’m trying to keep some almonds with me incase crazy starvation hits, just to be sure!
    The weekend is here! No drinking for me and work all weekend- but the hurricane is coming here.. so who knows what its going to be like after all. Enjoy yours and stay safe!

Antibiotics, Candida, Probiotics?

    Three reasons I need to see a Natural path instead of my quack doctor. I went to the doctor Tuesday because of supposed tonsillitis, was given antibiotics and NOT a referral to a specialist.. Fast forward 2 days and 4 huge pink pills later- and there was a white film on my tongue.. Of course I FREAKED out.. but after some googling I figured out the culprit.. Candida over growth.. Everything clicked- all of these little symptoms that seemed disconnected are in reality all from the same thing! Of course I discovered this late at night- when there was nothing I could do except sleep on it.
    This morning when I woke up it was the first thing on my mind.. With the wealth of info at my fingertips, I set down a game plan. I have to finish the antibiotics, which makes Candida worse- but also kills the infection in my tonsils. In order to balance out the killing of bad/good bacteria- I bought a probiotic supplement which will be taken mid day, between my doses of antibiotics. With that in the works, the next part is diet. Basically ANY sugar is food for Candida- we don’t want to feed it, we want to kill it. Fruits, gluten, processed foods, etc.. are out- at least for the first stage. The first stage of the diet is going to be 3 weeks.. After stage 1, we can start to introduce foods back into the diet- low sugar fruits (apples, pears, berries) beans and higher carb veggies. Also during this stage you can take anti-fungals to try to kill those bad guys.
    Lets agree that I need to take it one day at a time- it’s a pretty strict and not eating sugar is hard since it’s in everything… but really the hardest part is going to be no fruit. I am positive that I can be strong enough to handle it. With day 1 behind me, I feel confident that even if I’m jumping the gun and I’m not actually suffering from over-growth, it can’t hurt right? Hopefully I will be stronger with this “detox” than with the last one.. LOL.

Summers close with Sangria

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Or maybe they start and finish with it. Tonight, like each Wednesday through the year (except for winter) is Wine and Cigar night. We get together, shoot the shit and have wine (the men smoke cigars). So when I was running late because I made pizza for dinner- P texted me telling to me to get my ass there for some homemade Sangria- I rushed to make it for a glass.. It was such a treat, and was so delicious! I ended up having two glasses while sitting around the fire- scheming about how we are going to make a new night.. Sangria Saturday! Starts this weekend after my first day back to the land of eggs- which means I’m going to need it!
   And just to show you want else I was up to today…

Back to the land of eggs…Plans changed.. again!

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I should say the land of just add water and frozen products, but eggs really does sound nicer doesn’t it? I told you the other day that I called my job and asked for my job back- she said she would get back to be with an answer and potential shifts that I could have. Well I got the call today- I’m going to be working every Wednesday and for this weekend at least I’m working both Saturday and Sunday. The break from Denny’s was so needed- let me just say that. I haven’t worked there since before Yogaslackers Teacher Training in May. 3 months off- it would only be adequate time off if I never had to go back. But here’s the thing… I don’t even have to try there. Now maybe your thinking that’s the wrong attitude- but lets look at it this way. With everything else going on right now, making money is the last thing I want to think about or really have to “work” at. I’m making a little bit of money teaching yoga, but it’s not much. It’s certainly not even enough to pay for gas in the car and food in the fridge. In this economy finding a job is hard enough- especially when your not exactly qualified for anything. Waitressing it an easy answer to needing some cash fast. 

    As it turns out, the friend that I was going to rent from didn’t realize how much money it was going to be for her to make the space livable through the winter. It’s not insulated and there isn’t any heat. Since she was going to do it eventually she thought now would be no better time. Unfortunately the costs of the repairs would be far too much for her right now, which means I would only be able to stay in the space for 2-3 months at the most before it would be unlivable. So yet another plan fell through- ah! I’m totally ok with it actually. Instead we headed over to her mom’s house which has the in-law apartment and checked that out. It’s super cute! It has it’s own bathroom, kitchen, living room and bedroom. Sure it’s going to be at least double the price- but it would be my own space completely. I can still have dogs and it’s not too far from the studio (actually it’s much closer) and from Denny’s. I haven’t actually talked it all out with her directly- but I’m planning for an October 1st move in. That gives me just under 6 weeks to save up enough money for the first months rent.. If there is a security deposit, then that will have to be worked out… But I think I can make it happen. I’m not going to make any real plans until I talk to Maria and see what the deal is- but I hope that it comes together. I REALLY hope it comes together.. I just want to get out on my own and prove to myself I can make it happen. 

   So there you have it.. One of the first steps to growing up.. swallowing your pride and going back to a job you really aren’t a fan of- and living on your own even though it scares the crap out of you :) I think I’m doing alright.

A fresh start

     I went out to lunch with my friends Melinda and Kristen and it was an amazing time. It’s always great to catch up with them- and just having them as friends is wonderful! We talked over sushi rolls about everything, and it’s great to have support and be able to be a support for each other. Its awesome to have people that are put together on my team. Melinda offered me a couple of rooms to rent on the third floor of her house- which is currently unused because it needs some work. It’s going to be a great place to set down some roots and call my own while I figure out the next plan of action. Because it’s a space that she eventually would be fixing up anyway, the small monthly rent I’m going to be giving her will help to fund it. I’m going over tomorrow to check everything out more closely and probably will be moving in within the next few weeks. I’m pretty excited to be able to have this available because it is a great deal- and I will be able to save a bunch of money and pay the car off as well. Plus it’s only a few miles from our house- so if Hydro and Melinda’s dog Daisy don’t get along I will still be able to see both of the boys regularly. I don’t really have a whole lot to move over there; a thai massage mat that I will be using for a bed and a dresser with my clothes. I plan on checking out Ikea or Walmart for some cheap rugs, curtains and maybe a little couch or chair- and of course I’m going to paint it. But really I won’t need a whole lot more than that. Rent will be cheap enough for me to be able to travel and still be able to have it as a home base which is ideal. I’m not sure when my next travel plans will be taking place since the plan to travel with Erika out to Portland has fallen through- but it will be workable for me to make other plans. I’m pretty excited!!! Its great to have found a reasonable living situation- and feel like I will have a place to be grounded.

Weighing in

      Monday morning means I have to tick off my to-do list. A lot of the things on this list are workouts- this morning I weighed my self, and somehow I managed to gain 2 lbs- despite the fact that I’ve been tracking my food and exercise for the last week. This whole year has been a mess. I knew that I had gained weight when I tried on my jeans the other day- and I knew that it was probably from the road trip.. Eating crap that I don’t normally eat. I’m not trying to say that I’m fat- I’m not trying to say poor me... I’m trying to say that I’m trying to be as fit as I can be, I want to get rid of the extra weight that I’ve been holding onto this whole year. It’s only 10-15 lbs. But it feels like a ton. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin, and when I look at myself I realize that Yes I have put on a lot of muscle in the last 4 years, but I have also put a layer of fat which I don’t need. I don’t want to go crazy, but I need to figure out why my body isn’t responding to the way that I eat and the way I exercise. V seems to think it’s because I do the same stuff often- but I can’t imagine what else I’m supposed to do.. I do cardio, strength and yoga.. Maybe I’m not doing enough.. I don’t know but it’s really frustrating to get on the scale and see that number. The whole year that I was watching what I ate I only got down to half of my goal, but mostly I hovered...

Giving into the plan

    After so many hours of talking and tears over the past few months, James and I have decided that we are in fact going to get a divorce. It’s not to say that we don’t love each other- but the fact is that living in the same place and sometimes playing house is really just making it impossible to move forward. We want to stay friends and that really isn’t going to happen if we keep living together, half in a relationship. This is probably one of the biggest decisions and the hardest one we have ever had to make in our lives. The truth is I wish that I knew what I wanted in life, but I don’t. James has an idea of what he wants, and it doesn’t seem like that is something that we can give each other. Ultimately I think being in my own place and having to making things work on my own is going to make me a much stronger person. I want to be able to be independent and maybe someday James and I will make things work.. Either way we need to get out of this relationship purgatory and try to move forward..  We are planning to make an appointment with a lawyer as soon as possible to get the ball rolling. In the mean time I’m going to start looking for a job, first stop back at Denny’s.. (or so I think.. I would rather not have to work there, but for me to get my own place I need some money and that is fast cash for sure) The other thing is a place to live. My friends mother offered me the in-law apartment at her place. We didn’t talk about details since we were at a party, but I’m going to get in touch with her and find out how much they would want per month. The other positive is that I can bring Hydro- which makes me happy because I want to have him with me.
     As far as plans for travel and teaching I’m not really sure how that is going to play out. I think I still need to figure out exactly what I want in my life.. I know that I don’t want to follow E. around like a puppy- because her life isn’t figured out either and honestly I don’t want to be like her. I’m not about to borrow money or step on a bunch of people to get to the top of what I want.
    I know that my body has been stressed to the max for some time now, and I really want to focus on taking care of it. Not smoking, or drinking a lot, or eating crap food. I want to find balance and be able to relax for once in my life. The way I’ve been isn’t doing me or anyone else any good..

a Happy Saturday!

   The last few posts have been a bit of a bummer. I just want to clarify- although it may seem like I’m being super negative lately, the truth is I’m just writing through the process. There are just some things that you can’t make sound super positive, even when you feel like they are. For example, mentioning that I’m stuck in Jello when it comes to deciding what I’m going to do or where I’m going to live sounds super negative... however, it’s super exciting! The truth is, it’s scary to be in this space for the first time.. I’ve always known or at least had a plan for what would come next, so not knowing (as hard as that can be for someone who likes to plan things) is an amazing time! There are so many options which can be overwhelming- but it is a wonderful time for growth and new experiences. So lets move on shall we?

   This morning started off wonderfully with sleeping in until 8:30, some coffee, and some breakfast (which James made for me: sourdough toast, two eggs over easy, avocado, salsa and a little bit of cheddar, YUM) After letting everything digest for a half hour we took off on our bikes with the intention of riding the entire  paved part of the bike path- which is about 30 miles. Instead we did 16 miles which took us about 1 1/2 hours. It was getting pretty hot outside when we got to the point of going on or going home. Going home seemed like the logical thing to do, though I would have kept going if James had wanted to, because that’s how I am..  It was a great ride and I look forward to doing the whole 30 miles some time soon, maybe this week! When we got home I had to peel my sweat soaked clothes off- I ate some yogurt with banana and almond butter and showered. Ah it felt so good! 

Feeling like a guest in my own life

     Do you know when you’ve hit rock bottom? I know that I haven’t yet hit it- but I’m waiting for it, and honestly hoping for it to happen soon. I feel like if I get there I can only move upwards. I just want to figure out what my plans- my life goals should be. At the moment I just feel like I’m suspended in jello. I’m completely stuck- I have no pull one way or the other. In the last few days there have been many a conversation that has ended in screaming and crying matches. Sharing a space isn’t working out so well, and when my living plans fell through I had nothing else on the back burner. I don’t know if I should try to stay in RI and get my own place or if I should find another place to be.

Fail

 As you probably figured out- the cleanse didn’t last very long. I didn’t even make it 24 hours. By mid day I needed a coffee, I had smoked some cigarettes and ended up going out for ice cream. So the intension was good- but the follow thru not so much. Over the last few months since returning from teacher training I’ve been smoking.. I don’t even know why- but I know that it needs to stop. When I wake up in the morning I feel absolutely disgusting and guilty. The truth is that smoking doesn’t fit into my life plan. Now I don’t really have much of a plan at the moment- but I do know that I want to do something that requires me to take care of my body. I want to do yoga, I want to do silks, I want to adventure race, I want to do parkour.. None of these things will work if I don’t take care of my body. When it comes right down to it, I’ve been getting stressed out over stupid things that I have no control over. Things are tense in the house- and my plans to move to North Adams fell through, which leaves me completely lost as to what I’m supposed to do now. I know that I want to travel and teach, but I also know that I need to be able to make some money so that I can live. Sure I don’t need a whole hell of a lot.. but I have to finish paying for the car, the speeding ticket from Nevada and the credit card bill from the teacher training and the CA trip. I’m so far in the hole (maybe not as much as others)
    I’ve been trying to live with the theory that being a good person, and setting a good intension will get me through and serve me as I try to figure out what comes next. I’m open to any opportunity- maybe I’m not looking hard enough?
   As the days fly by and run one into the other I realize that I need to focus on so much more than what I’m going to be.. I want to live today, prepare for tomorrow

Detox day 1

   I eased myself into the idea of a brown rice fast last night for dinner. I had about 1 1/2 cups brown rice with 1 tbsp coconut oil and 1 hard boiled egg. I love rice but there was a trigger in my head, Your still hungry. Which is why the egg came into play. over the few hours before bed I also snacked on some plain cold rice- and my stomach growled and hurt a bit.
   This morning I went through an internal dialogue about what not actually doing the rice fast. Funny how it is something I’ve been thinking about for days. When I look around the kitchen there is ripe bananas and watermelon, there is yogurt and more eggs (something I had been craving for days on the road) - staring me in the face, But when thinking about where these thoughts are coming from- it’s my obsession with food, my thought that I’m not going to be able to have enough of these things. Really there is something to be said for the simplicity of eating the same rice and oil.  So breakfast this morning was 1 1/2 cups brown rice with 1 tbsp coconut oil, sprinkle of cinnamon and salt.  Not drinking coffee and eating rice alone along with some yoga and maybe some light cardio for the next few days is going to be tough.

Take a break, Fast!

  After 20 days on the road for the East to West Coast extravaganza, my body has been taxed to it’s max. From not sleeping enough; over loads on caffeine and protein bars of all kinds; along with free samples and whatever else was laying around; Hours upon hours of car time and finally, mental stamina to deal with these stresses and being with people 24/7!
    For a number of months my digestive system has not been working appropriately. In this time I was healing from attempting a raw food diet, and learning that the vegan diet I was living for the last 4 years wasn’t what was best for me and my activity levels, Though I’ve remained a vegetarian. The idea of a fast or cleanse has been rolling around in my head for sometime and I figured that now was perfect. As of tomorrow I am going to do a brown rice fast. It will be modified to include some greens and coconut oils-( as per advice of my dear friend Anna who is an Ayurvedic practitioner in training) but I am shooting for 3 days. 3 days to give my tract some time to heal and hopefully begin working properly once again.  Fasting can:

1. rest the digestive system
2. allow for cleansing and detoxification of the body
3. create a break in eating patterns, while shining a spotlight on them
4. promote greater mental clarity
5. cleanse and heal "stuck" emotional patterns
6. lead to a feeling of physical lightness, increasing energy level
7. promote an inner stillness, enhancing spiritual connection

I’m keeping my expectations modest. I don’t expect to lose tons of weight or feel amazing day 1. I do hope to get my body running more smoothly and getting my eating patterns to change for the better. Often times I eat out of habit and boredom- I will over eat without really having a reason or control. I want to see food as just the fuel that I need to accomplish the physical goals that I have for my future. Ultimately I want to be liberated from the hold that food and eating has held on me for more than half of my life.