As you probably figured out- the cleanse didn’t last very long. I didn’t even make it 24 hours. By mid day I needed a coffee, I had smoked some cigarettes and ended up going out for ice cream. So the intension was good- but the follow thru not so much. Over the last few months since returning from teacher training I’ve been smoking.. I don’t even know why- but I know that it needs to stop. When I wake up in the morning I feel absolutely disgusting and guilty. The truth is that smoking doesn’t fit into my life plan. Now I don’t really have much of a plan at the moment- but I do know that I want to do something that requires me to take care of my body. I want to do yoga, I want to do silks, I want to adventure race, I want to do parkour.. None of these things will work if I don’t take care of my body. When it comes right down to it, I’ve been getting stressed out over stupid things that I have no control over. Things are tense in the house- and my plans to move to North Adams fell through, which leaves me completely lost as to what I’m supposed to do now. I know that I want to travel and teach, but I also know that I need to be able to make some money so that I can live. Sure I don’t need a whole hell of a lot.. but I have to finish paying for the car, the speeding ticket from Nevada and the credit card bill from the teacher training and the CA trip. I’m so far in the hole (maybe not as much as others)
I’ve been trying to live with the theory that being a good person, and setting a good intension will get me through and serve me as I try to figure out what comes next. I’m open to any opportunity- maybe I’m not looking hard enough?
As the days fly by and run one into the other I realize that I need to focus on so much more than what I’m going to be.. I want to live today, prepare for tomorrow