1-2-13

“Only that the day dawns to which we are awake” Henry David Thoreau

BE PRESENT- one of my goals for 2013.. I tend to over think things- making up stories about how things are going to happen or should be happening instead of focusing on them actually happening.. Which means I miss out- and its time to awaken! This is partially due to having ADHD and being scared to fail or do it wrong. It makes me put things off and avoid what needs to be done… Its a goal that will be tough but worth it in the end!

The first workout of the year- 45 minutes of Ashtanga yoga.

It has been far too long since I’ve actually enjoyed the practice of yoga. Most of the time I just skip it in favor of some HIIT, lifting, or even some running.. leaving it only for when I teach Wednesday and Thursday nights. I used to love it so much, but now I find I have to drag myself to the mat and struggle even harder to stay there for more than a few Sun Salutes. Well the new year is here, its my chance to get my shit together and be consistent. I’m such a cliche’- haha.

   I finished off with a green  brown smoothie while reading some blogs and half marathon training plans (Holy shit I’m scared, what did I get myself into?)

What’s in there? Banana, mixed berry blend (black, rasp, straw) Plain greek yogurt, two HUGE handfuls of spinach, spirulina, bee pollen, flax oil, OJ and a bit of protein powder.. No wonder it was brown.. Oh well, still tasted good! :)

   In the middle of my smoothie the boys had to go outside, and these days when they need to go out you just drop everything your doing or your going to have a pile or puddle to clean up (oh the joys of having one dog pushing 12 and another one that is still F’ed up from surgery) I took advantage of their cuteness and snapped some photos

 (Hydro only has one face these days.. super serious mustache)

 (Sammy’s face had me laughing like crazy.. as to say “seriously mom.. WTF”)

Since Hydro doesn’t lick your face off every time you look at him like he did when he was feeling swell.. I always try to bribe it out of him.. “Smoochsky Poochsky?” He just stares blankly- but sometimes you can get a wet nose in the face.. which is kind of like a kiss? Whatever.. I’ll take it!
 
  Speaking of the mutt… I made an appointment with ANOTHER vet for tomorrow.. This is the “Last ditch effort” to figure out what is wrong. This vet was referred to us because he is an internal specialist and apparently is awesome at the “tough” cases.. Fingers crossed.. Hydro is getting worse in some respects, and we want to make sure we make the right/ best decision on where we go from here..

Eats + Couch + WO, Bike + Low Numbers

   Hey! 

       Hope your all enjoying this Thursday, I know I am!  My morning started off with a cup of joe in bed (J has been making the coffee and bringing it upstairs for me for a little over a week- a girl could get used to this!).. Breakfast followed soon after

         

Sliced strawberries and bananas, topped with 1/4c Chobani plain greek yogurt and a big-ol-blob of homemade almond butter= breakfast of champions..  Instead of my usual gym date, I hung around for a little while- easing into the day, browsing the internet, watching crap TV on Netflix.. After an hour or so I was ready to get my blood pumping and decided that it was about time I tackled Zuzana’s new workout-  ZWOW 23 Burpee Torture- only 20 minutes.. But oh boy, my legs are sore already!

      I’ll be the first one to admit that I love the burpee! I love everything about it.. so I was pretty stoked about giving this workout a go.. I followed right along with Zuzana- I loved this feature BTW and it allowed me to push myself even more! 

   Immediately after completing the workout I sipped on a glass of Chocolate Milk instead of my usual smoothie. (I’m doing a little self experiment to see which I prefer, which gives me better results etc.) I filled up my Camelbak and hopped on my bike to meet up with Paula.. 

    Taking pictures of yourself while riding a bike, not to simple… After the pedal, I shoveled some food and rushed out the door. 

        I’ve eaten tofu, rice and either salad or some kind of green for lunch 3 days in a row.. whatever- I dig simplicity.. (and i really hate throwing food away too)  

    Anyway, as I said, I rushed out the door… to purchase our new couch!

    We have been looking for a LONG time.. but we needed to get something that we could both be comfortable on, and that wasn’t way out of our price range. This wasn’t our first choice actually, the one that I went to purchase had a 23-26 WEEK delivery time.. and there was no way it was worth waiting that long for! So we went with our second choice, and although we could have changed the fabric we stuck with what it was.. it’s a tan and beige stripe and I think it will look pretty awesome against our sage walls. After the 5 year protection plan and the taxes, this came to over $1000! Luckily it is American made and the manufacturer gives a lifetime warranty, so I think we made a good choice.
     By the time we got home from furniture store, it was time for dinner. (These nights seem to be FLYING by lately) and I only had 45 minutes before I had to leave to teach class so tacos for him and a salad for me.

   Totally not an intentional add for Chobani BTW- but I love the stuff on this meal with lots of hot sauce, mmm.

  

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   Now lets talk numbers. 

       The last few weeks have been especially tough for me teaching at the studio.. My class numbers have cut in half, which is really upsetting. I have learned not to take things like this personally, as I realize that people have lives, families, jobs, etc… but man, showing up to teach last night and I had 1 student.. Yes.. ONE. 

    Where I work, I don’t get paid for showing up. I don’t get paid a base rate or anything unless I get students in the class. About a month ago, my classes were going really well. I'd have full rooms and very excited students, which really feeds my ambition to find new things to challenge them and to really push their limits. And just like that, with no rhyme or reason… I am lucky to have a handful, an most times it’s 3 students… or no one at all. 

    Don’t take this the wrong way. I didn’t get into teaching yoga to make a ton of money. I never thought it was going to be easy to stand out among a crowd of millions of teachers. But I did want to share my passion and inspire others to push out of their comfort zones. My classes tend to be unlike a “typical” meditative, quiet and spiritual practice. I try to bring a space that it fun, playful, and challenging because the way I see it, people already take themselves too seriously.

    I’ve talked a lot about my fear of failure, the fear that I just won’t cut it, and I’ll be sentenced to a life of meaningless waitressing jobs. But as I continue to work on myself and notice my patterns of self destruction, I realize that these are just lies I tell myself when things get tough.. because it’s easier to give up and not fail (but also no grow or succeed )… then to give up everything just to go for it 100% without knowing the outcome. 

    I guess I’m just giving myself a pep talk to remind myself that I can do it. That there will always be obstacles that I will have to overcome if I want to grow and succeed. I’m using this as fuel- and I will do it. The only thing standing in my way is myself… 

From this mornings yoga practice.

  

I took this mornings practice from this months Yoga Journal which came it yesterday- the Master Class article was written by my first teacher Natasha Rizopoulos, and I miss taking her class. Fortunately she is now teaching a weekly class on Tuesday which I’m going to check out next week with my fellow TT buddy Meghan :)

  A few random thoughts... Yes I do have a garden gnome in my living room- the story behind Stoney (You’ll notice that he’s sitting on a magic mushroom and smoking a pipe also known as the stoner gnome) is that my mom always wanted one of these things, but I always thought they were super creepy. One day my father and I were at the Christmas tree shop and we spotted Stoney among the many gnomes and I thought he was awesome- made my dad buy him on the spot for my mom. He never went outside- but instead hung out on the entertainment center in our living room, forever- I’m talking for 10 years! A couple months ago my mom came over with Stoney in a bag- asking if I wanted him before she got rid of him, and of course I did! I put him outside, but James didn’t want him to get ruined and insisted that the tradition continues bringing him into the house. So Stoney is chilling out in the living room! Secondly- I know the music choice is a bit odd for a yoga practice but upbeat dancing music is where it’s at- it really gets me pumped on the days like today where I start off not wanting to show up to the mat. Turned out to be an amazing practice! 

The highlight:

Antigravity

   In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m totally a slacker. I’ve been trying to stay on top of blogging- but can’t get back into the swing of things. I used to write a food blog a while back, but wanted to focus more on life and yoga so created this space. Even though I put blogging on the top of my to-do lists each day I still overlook it!
   Since I’ve been here last I went to Antigravity yoga for the first time! What did I think? I LOVED it!! I knew that it would be something that I would love anyway, but it really was even better than I thought it would be. The teacher Val was extremely nice and very, very fun and friendly- There were quite a few of us that had never been to an antigravity class before, and she was great with explaining and demoing every move or flow that we did. I really liked that we spent a lot of time upside down. With that in mind I would be sure you like and are comfortable with being upside down. This was one of my favorites:

 (blippit.com)

And this is what also gave me a hand-sized bruise on my right butt cheek! I’ll spare you the photographic evidence on that one :) If you have ever been on an inversion table- it’s the same sensation.  Decompressing the low back and really stretching out the spine like never before. I think I grew 2 inches once I left class! Their version on savasana is awesome too:  (blippit.com)

I’m pretty sure I’m going to get one of these hammocks someday- just so I can nap like this. Amazing!!!

      During class I was thinking to myself that it was quite simple and easy- I didn’t feel fatigued at all. Until I got home and sat down to dinner. All of a sudden I felt completely wiped out, like so exhausted that I didn’t want to get up, I felt like I couldn’t get up.. It wasn’t that it made me sore at all- or in the days following, except where the silks had been pressed against my skin- but similar to being dehydrated or staying up for 3 days in a row. It was fantastic and I can’t wait to go again! One down side- actually the only downside was the price. $20 for 1.5 hours. Doing that once a week will be a pretty pricey hobby.  

Blurred vision

    As I’m awakening from Savasana- my eyes are fuzzy. The weight of the eye pillow leaving it’s lasting impression on me for a few minutes longer. I originally wanted to go to a class this morning, but decided against it- I’m feeling the urge to pick up my home practice and make it stronger than ever. Some time ago my teacher said that there is a natural ebb and flow to a yoga practice- Sometimes you practice a ton and it’s amazing; while other times just getting on the mat is a struggle- let alone doing some sun salutes. At the time I couldn’t imagine not wanting to practice 5 times a week. My home practice then was very strong, not only because I got to the mat so often, but because I was getting so much from it. From the beginning my practice gave me a sense of strength. It calmed my mind down, it make my body feel great! After my teacher training just 10 months from the day I started doing yoga at home from a book (I had never even taken a yoga class before my training- I was completely self taught from various books and dvds) I found myself confused. I took the training with the intension of turing the practice I loved into a job. It came around to bite me in the ass. After more than 2 years of struggling to gain a following- I completely lost my own practice in the process. At this point I was maybe getting on the mat 2 times a week- sometimes more, but mostly less. I had forgotten all about what I had loved about yoga in the first place. It was so different from what I had done on the past- There was no competition, no one telling me what to do or how to do it, no one making me do drills and picking apart my technique. It was all mine until this point. Eventually I stopped practicing all together- except on the occasion where I would actually get students in one of my classes. It had lost all meaning to me.
     I struggled to continue to teach- there had to be a reason that I couldn’t gain a following- it must be me, is what I thought. Looking back now I know that it was about me- but not the fact that people didn’t like me, it was more that I was carrying this pressure on my shoulders. I HAD to be “successful” whatever my definition of the word was at the time was completely false. What I’ve learned and gained over the last year has been completely amazing- and has taken me by surprise. Last April was the first time I was introduced to slackline yoga. I had decided to give myself a chance to fall back in love with yoga by taking a weeklong workshop at Kripalu. I immediately knew I fit it here (with the yogaslackers- not with the Kripalu vibe)
    When I came home from the workshop I felt like a completely different person. I was now once again on a mission to come back and be stronger than ever. I wanted to gain my confidence and most of all my practice back. I took the summer off from teaching to figure out if it was really the best place for me to be- and in that time I went to two more weekend workshops including slackline, rock climbing, and acroyoga. I also started to build my home practice- but more with the connection to my body that yoga really. I started working out and eating better- I would still do yoga but it wasn’t my focus. By the end of the summer I had started to practice yoga 3 or more times a week and felt like I was getting back into the flow. But on September 10, 2010 that changed when I injured my ankle- and once again I felt defeated- back to square one. Not only could I not practice- I couldn’t work out- I couldn’t walk.
     I knew that this was pretty serious- but I also knew that I’m a tough cookie... I was not going to let this ankle rule my life. I went to a Thai Massage training 2 weeks after the injury, and rock climbed a week after that. The PT thought I was crazy and begged me to take it easy, let it rest. While I know that listening to your PT and your body is important- it was more important to stay in the game. I was going to be stronger than this.. and I was.
     There have been many set backs over the last 7 months that I have been trying to heal this ankle of mine. It is literally and figuratively the achilles heal in my life, but amazingly I am over coming it. Yoga asana that have been unreachable- have been getting easier. I feel my drive to strengthen my home practice- the urge to get on the mat for more than 15 minutes. I couldn’t be more excited :)
     When we are knocked down repeatedly our vision is blurred. We tend to only see what is right in front of us- the negative. What we don’t get in the moment is that we have the ability to rub our eyes, blink a few times and look again. It is always better the second time :)

Fire in my heart

    60 minutes of yoga can be so many things. It’s a good stretch out for over worked muscles as well as a workout. Static vs. dynamic- static poses are always more challenging for me. I am almost never static. Even when I sleep I’m in constant motion. I have always been hyper active, though I keep that activity at bay by working out, and believe it or not chewing gum helps me tremendously. Little known fact- during my swimming career you would never find me without a piece in my mouth. I chewed gum during each and ever single practice- the only time in the water without a piece was durning a race! Long hours doing laps can cause the mind to wander and if your like me it’s sounds like a pin ball machine in there.. Bouncing from one thought to the next. That habit has followed me well into my adult years- practicing yoga, slacklining, going to the gym- all include my chewy mint friend.
    While practicing a few moments ago I really came to understand something; I can never be still. In my yoga I am constantly shifting, adjusting and focusing on everything else besides what I’m doing. Sure I am really good at getting my body contorted and picture perfect in these postures- but try to get me to hold them for more than a few breaths and I’m all over the place. This is something that I’m working on in all aspects. How do we gain the power to control the brain? Controlling the body is a piece of cake in comparison.
   I’m not the typical yogi. I drink coffee, swear, occasionally drink alcohol, smoke herb, I do not meditate (can’t sit still long enough)... but I do have the ability to by completely dynamic. I can flow through postures- I have a great sense of moving meditation- which is why slacklining is the best thing in the world for me. At this point in my life and my practice I can’t tackle mastering the mind- and I know few in the world really have- but I am not even there yet. I have done everything to try and master the physical part of my practice, again there is so much to work through, but it come more naturally to me.

   So what am I getting at? Well there are a few things- Acceptance is one. I have accepted that this is a life long journey that I am on- one that I will stubbornly pursue and one that I will never conquer.. and that is ok. Two is to gain the knowledge that who I am, my person- my practice- my quirks- are beautiful. Though I may not see it or truly believe this 80% of the time I need to remind myself that I am who I am for a reason. Yes I’m not typical- but I don’t want to be. I am special as is each and everyone of you out there. We are who we need to be. And that is good enough for me.