First and most importantly:

I made it through Anatomy and killed it. Who gets a 100 on the final exam?! I was excited to say the least. I ended up with a 98 for the course- couldn’t have been much better. I’ll be honest, I’m going to miss the class. I absolutely had the best professor, ever. People (and puppies!) are definitely brought into your life for a reason. 

After my final exam, I came home to this

Love you Melinda! 

How awesome is this shirt?

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It was a beautiful day and I finished my exam early so I met up with Mikey for a little kayaking 

 Yup, it was gorgeous! Until.... we paddled around and ended up on the other side of the pond and the wind decided to pick up

Needless to say, I ended up completely soaked, frozen and cranky while we made our way back to the car.. Let me just clarify.. I didn’t help row back- I sat curled in a ball at the front of the kayak blocking all the water splashes from Mike as he paddled us back. Haha.. When we finally got back, he gave me his pants to wear because he’s a gentleman like that ;) Don’t worry he had another pair. 

We have been enjoying the warmer and sunnier weather around here for sure. 

 Tuna-moose is doing really well on the leash now that we have a new collar. He hates it but it keeps him in check.. And the more enjoyable our walks and runs are.. the more we go.. Win, Win- for him and I. Especially when he looks like this after

 Tired TM= Happy TM

I had a lot of stuff on my mind that I had to work out, so Tuna-moose and I went for a nice 5 mile run with a stop at the pond mid-way. 

 It was the very spot where Hydro learned to swim

Where He and I would go on many afternoons. He was always so happy when I took him swimming! 

Watching Tuna-moose sniff and drink the water (he is totally a baby and is scared of it, haha) made me smile. We have come full circle. I miss Hydro every day but I know he brought me to TM because we both needed each other, because without TM my life would be incomplete. 

He’s the fucking man. 

What it takes… (For me to run my first half marathon)

*4 months of training 
*$315+ on gear/supplies and fees
*50 runs
 *184 miles
*4 ice baths
* gallons of coconut water, chocolate milk and packs of candy.. 

Today I finished training (and almost threw up) I’ve pushed through shitty runs, negative attitudes, and multiple thoughts of “What the fuck did you get yourself into” BUT I also learned to LOVE running, I surprised myself multiple times, and finally believe that I can do this. In 2 short days I will achieve my goal of crossing that finish line.. I don’t care what it takes. 

A lot of things happened during training.

Soon after I started (like 3 weeks into it) I had to say goodbye to Hydro.

I’ve mentioned it a million times, but I’ll say it again. Hydro was the love of my life and dealing with his situation and ultimately his death has been one of the HARDEST things I’ve ever dealt with and I’m not even close to being over it (I’m not sure I ever will) 

 For the first few weeks following his death, each time I got on the treadmill and started running, I burst into tears.. like full blown, running nose, tears streaming down my face, unable to breathe crying. I dealt with it by running as fast as my legs would take me.. As if running on a treadmill would allow me to run away from my feelings. It didn’t work, but at least while I was struggling so much, the physical pain dulled the emotional pain. 

I decided that I would train/run in honor of my little mutt

Any time I wanted to give up, I thought about Hydro. 

I have his collar hanging on my rearview mirror- and I got into the habit of touching it each time I was driving.. especially on the way to run. I would remember the strength I had to find on his last day and use that same strength as my inspiration. 

Also during training:

We brought Tuna home 

I quit my job (that really sucked a lot, lol)

I got a new job (that I really love a lot)

I started to eat meat after 15 years- following a Paleo-ish diet

I discovered that Lamb and bacon are amazing

Learned to love ice baths

Discovered compression socks

And found some leg muscle definition ;)

Whatever happens on race day, I will be confident and trust my training. Whether I reach my time goal (which I was told not to make since it is my first half.. but that’s not how I roll- so I did anyway, lol) or I just cross the finish line, I will be proud of the last 4 months and all that I accomplished leading up to it. 

Weekend in Review

Friday 

I started the day off with a 45 minute Tuna walk around the hood before heading off to work. The place was DEAD.. I seriously waited on 3 of the 8 tables that came in all day, so I left early to hang out with James. We headed to Providence for a very chilly walk around the city with Tuna.. (We are trying to get him around as many people and places as possible to desensitize him since he is nervous of loud noises and such- plus as a “Pit Bull Mix” people are automatically going to be sketchy around him, and we want him to be used to that and change their skewed views on the breed with all of his smooches!)

By the time we got home he was pooped

Aren’t they cute together? Sammy totally loves him

(He jumped on the chair to lay next to him- which is basically the dog version of spitting in your palm and shaking)

We made some dinner before heading out to meet our friends for a drink. 

It was a nice low key night :)

Saturday

I went to work- and ended my shift with a $10 tip on a $150 check- This is a table that I had to sing Happy Birthday to among other things and they didn’t even leave 10%.. So I asked them how my service was.. They said it was great, etc..  I just don’t get it.. Being a waitress really blows sometimes.

After work James and I walked Tuna to our friends’ house to see what they were up to. We decided to head over the the shoe store since I need to buy new running shoes and our friend Scott was in the market for some new shoes as well. 

I have been looking for new shoes for a while- but I have commitment issues.. especially when sneakers are over $100 a pair.. Eventually I settled on Brooks Pure Cadence2 

They are my first pair of minimal sneakers and was very excited except for the price.. $120- ouch.. Pretty sure my credit card is still crying.

After the shoe buying we came back to our place and played Uno.. 

Sunday

I took my new kicks for their very first run

 If nothing else they look awesome and make me feel cool

Well so far so good! I could instantly tell the difference between these and the other shoes I was running in.  I think I like them ;)

We did some random stuff during the afternoon and then headed out to see Tenacious D

 “Balcony” is code word for the very last row of seats with noses bleeding- it didn’t matter it still rocked our socks off and we were excited about it

 The show started with Sasquatch playing a Bigfoot guitar and singing.. he was pretty awesome actually

 Followed by KG and Jack Black rockin’ the house.. super amazing and awesome :)

On the way home we grabbed a pint of Ben and Jerrys 

And proceeded to eat the entire pint between the two of us.. It was fantastic and I’m not the least bit ashamed :)

Monday

Morning walk the with The Big Tuna followed by a bunch of errands and house cleaning.

I checked the mail and found this

Apparently the folks at the vets office where Hydro was put to rest- took his foot prints and mailed them to us with a wonderful handwritten condolence message. I bawled the moment I saw it.. 

The funny thing was- as I was vacuuming earlier in the day, I was thinking of Hydro (and the fact that I will probably be vacuuming his hair up for the next 2 years) Man I miss his presence <3 nbsp="" p="">

The afternoon was a coffee date with James followed by a walk around the hood with my friend Laura and her dog.

Then off to teach- dinner and wine to end the night :) 

The last few days

    There hasn’t been a moment in the last 4 days that I haven’t thought of Hydro. I’ve shed more tears in these days than I have in my entire life I think. I keep looking over at the chair he spent the last months glued in,  expecting to see him there

I’m not really sure how this whole grieving process is supposed to go. I’m pretty sure running on the treadmill at the gym, increasing the speed each time I start to cry, probably isn’t it. But it did help

Yeah, I was one hott mess- thats for certain. Especially when a dog commercial came on. 

Needless to say, I’ve made an appointment to see my therapist (whom I haven’t seen since sometime in November) and have been emailing tattoo artists (to talk about the tribute tattoo I plan on getting soon) and staying out of the house as much as possible. It’s far to silent around here.

Food has been pretty boring, but delicious

Monday I spent the day with a couple of friends. We headed to Ikea- that place was a crazy. We left completely empty handed because the line was all the way to the back of the warehouse- no kidding. Instead we grabbed some lunch, which was surprisingly awesome.

If only it had been cheaper- thats a $16 salad!

Today started with another training run while watching The Biggest Loser on my iPad. I’ve had 3 cups of coffee, eaten 5 times (and it’s only 3pm) did some laundry, dishes, and went for a walk- then brushed up on my Thai Massage skills

I have a massage set up for next Wednesday, and since it has been almost 2 years since I’ve actually given one, I need to practice- but first I needed to look over notes. I’m kind of nervous! At least it’s a distraction. 

So tell me what you’ve been up to

Saying good- bye to Hydro

Seven years ago the most wonderful little soul was born. Three months later while visiting my brother-in-law and sister-in-law in North Carolina, I found him. Living in horrible conditions with 7 brothers and sisters jammed into one kennel. He was skinny, scared, and soaked in feces; but beautiful. Half Boxer and half Lab. It was love at first sight

We named him Hydro Dakota 

After only two days, he stopped eating and drinking and was coughing so hard he could barely breathe. I took him to the emergency vet (he was difficult from the start!) He was malnourished, dehydrated and had a severe upper respiratory infection. A couple hundred dollars, saline between the shoulder blades to hydrate him,  antibiotics and a couple of weeks to come back from the brink of death, we started to discover the real Hydro.

Hydro was the most frustrating puppy in the entire world. He chewed everything in sight- the baseboard molding, a hole through the wood floor to the sub floor, towels, collars, a bunch of dog beds.. He took 6 months to house and crate train. I’d put him in the crate, he’d poop, then roll in it before eating it! One day he got 4 baths…yup, even dog moms have to wake up in the middle of the night.

But through all of that- there was one thing you couldn’t deny.. This kid had spirit and spunk. A silly goober.. Always tail wagging, sloppy kisses, excessive hyper activity..  You just couldn’t look at that face and stay angry. 

As he got older, he grew out of the poop eating (thankfully!) and the chewing, but the puppy playfulness never went away- He even did forward rolls!

And was never without a toy or a bone in his mouth- even when sleeping

His tail was a whip- it dented our friends car door, our stainless steal refrigerator.. gave people bruises, and hit many men in unfortunate places. 

Hydro enjoyed the finer things and always believed he was the king of the castle 

He ate his fruits and veggies without any trouble

He never took life too seriously

 He had manners- he knew how to say please

 And wait patiently (kind of)

 About a year ago, Hydro started to live up to his name and took up swimming

Hydro lived life to the fullest, every minute of every day. 

In June of 2012 Hydro underwent a surgery  it turned out he didn’t actually need.  

While everything seemed to be ok at first- the weeks and months that followed proved otherwise. (That picture above was the last time I would ever see that smile post surgery) 

All of the life had gone from his eyes

No more tail waging, toy playing, zest for life. 

We were heart broken- unsure of what was wrong. I took him back to the vet 3 times, and when they didn’t help at all (or take responsibility for whatever went wrong) I took him to 2 more vets- all over the course of 6 months. In total we would spend over $1200- that we didn’t have. I changed his diet to raw food, put him on a liver cleanse, made him chicken broth- anything to get him to drink water and eat. The last vet we went to finally told us that he had brain damage from the surgery- that we were never going to have Hydro back. 

On some level, we already knew that.

 But I couldn’t help waking up every day and hoping that it would be the day he would wage his tail, or give me puppy kisses.

We walked him (something that he used to LOVE- and at least seemed to still enjoy at some level)

Bought him new toys, let him sleep with us on the bed. 

We didn’t know if he was in pain or distressed.. But he started to do weird things.

He would walk into the corner and just stand there, staring.

 Hide behind the shower curtain or the toilet howling and crying

 He just always looked so sad. He was held prisoner in his own mind and body

We spent a lot of time talking about what was best for him. All of that time crying and being pissed off at the vet. 

Over the last couple of weeks, he really started to decline. He wouldn’t eat at all unless I fed him- sometimes only if I held the bowl, or put it in my hand. He nipped at James, growled and barked at us (something Hydro would have never ever done. He didn’t have a mean bone in his body) he started howling ALL THE TIME. He paced around the house.  He always wanted to be close- and I think I knew he was trying to tell me something

After more talking and a million more tears, we decided we had to let him go. Choosing what was right for him was easy- it had been a long, painful and stressful 8 months for us all- but going through with it was a whole different story. 

We were killing our baby. 

No matter how humane, or painless it would be for him (we actually believe it was pain relief for him) it is still an unthinkable option. He had only just turned 7 on Valentines day. I wasn’t ready- but he was ready. So You suck it up and be strong for him. 

On Sunday Feb. 17- held him close on the floor of the vets office, whispering in his ear “I love you Hydro” “Your such a good boy” “Mommy loves you” Stroking his face and his velvety thick ears. 

And then he was gone.

Finally he was at peace.

I cried on his shoulder and held him tight. I felt so numb, but so raw all at once. I had to get out of there. I slid his collar off with shaking hands. Rubbed his face and ears and kissed him one last time on my favorite spot- The flat spot between his eyes, slightly on his forehead, before running out the door. 

And then I got really drunk 

To my beloved Hydro.. You touched my life in ways I could never express.. Amazing spirit, Puppy snuggles, forward rolls, so many kisses I can't count, personality out the ass, furry feet, swims in the pond, tail whips, singing, and more love than the world could handle.. You brightened my life from the moment I saved you- you saved me..forever in my heart and on my mind. I loved you more than you could even know.. Be strong my love- mommy loves you.. RIP ♥