Monday, January 23, 2012

ADHD with impulsiveness

    Funny story first:
I’m sitting in the waiting room at the ADD clinic- waiting to see the doc when this woman comes in. She walks right up to the front desk and whips out her checkbook, starts filling out the check and then all of a sudden yells, “Oh my god, I’m supposed to be at the Dentist!” Maybe that’s not very funny to you, but I thought it was hilarious. We are at an ADD clinic.. one where medicine is administered to treat the disease… you know help with things like organization and memory.. OK ok.. maybe its just a little funny, and insensitive..

   Upon meeting the doctor (or more accurately a nurse practitioner) I didn’t exactly get a warm fuzzy feeling. Unlike Stacy, this woman is exactly like the doctors I’ve seen in the past. (You know the past where I was treated for my “impulsive behaviors” that led to my eating disorder and cutting- i.e. given a bunch of pills) She was cold and condescending. But even though I didn’t particularly love her, I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt and be open to what she had to say.  So firstly I have ADHD with impulsiveness (simplex something or other) She proceeded to ask me a ton of questions about a variety of things- for about half and hour.. Then she started to say all the things that are “wrong” (not that she said that exact word) with me.. OCD tendencies, anxiety, paranoia?! impulsiveness, among other things… Apparently I’m fucking crazy..  The way she talked, it’s amazing that I haven’t thrown myself off a building or something. She continued to tell me that I have to be put on antidepressants (what?!) BEFORE I can be put on anything for the ADHD because if we don’t deal with that stuff first.. then taking a stimulant could drive me to the nut house..  Seriously? This is why I never went for treatment.. I told her that I was uncomfortable taking them- that Stacy and I had talked about treating the ADHD first (since that is attributing to the anxiety) and then worry about the other stuff.. if we had to. Well she didn’t like that.. Because then she said.. that since Stacy can’t prescribe meds- she doesn’t know how it works. Whatever.. At that point I stopped listening.. because SHE wasn’t listening to ME.. I’m not some test case, and I didn’t come here for a phys evaluation.. I came here to treat ADHD… I left there upset and confused.. I wanted to call Stacy- and even though she said that I could call.. I felt like I couldn’t- so I called James…
    I feel like I haven’t taken any steps closer to solving things.. and I don’t want to return to that lady.. in two weeks.. She gave me a list of meds that I have to research and decide on.. I don’t get paid hundreds of dollars for that.. thats your job lady- and clearly you need to work on your listening skills, because I will NOT take antidepressants again.. Ever.. I would rather be “crazy”

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