I’m not sure what it is about the gym that I have been trying to avoid this week- but I’m happy that I have been doing my workouts at home. Today I did the 100 workout:
100 jumping jacks
70 leg lifts
60 jumping jacks
30 leg lifts
20 jumping jacks
10 min run (I actually just did an additional 10 jumping jacks)
I wasn’t even going to workout at all today because of all the stuff I did yesterday (BodyRock, work, zumba and teaching yoga) But I’m feeling a bit down today and I have been sitting around doing nothing..Except some much needed cleaning to the apartment. A quick little sweat has picked up my mood a bit and I think I’m ready to move on with my day..
Not to dwell on the reason for my lame mood- but really just to get it out and be able to move from it completely… My dad had been asking if he could come down for a visit this weekend for my birthday and I had yet to answer him about it- because I didn’t know what was going on, but I assume that I’m going to go out and have some drinks maybe some dancing or whatever- which is something that my dad can’t be a part of (due to the fact that he is a recovered alcoholic) and if he were to come down to visit I would feel obligated to stay in to keep him company since he was there to see me. He called me last night while I was teaching and when I called him back he was pretty mad/upset at me and basically made me feel like I was being a bad person- ultimately he hung up with me all pissed off- which lead me to be pretty upset and mad at him for making my birthday weekend about him and not about me having some fun among all of the stress that I have been under.. Now I feel like a complete asshole because somehow I managed to hurt his feelings- but at the same time I really really really just want to have a weekend where I’m not worried or stressed out- too late. All last night and this morning I’ve been having this weigh heavily on my mind and now I still don’t know what to do.. I have no ideas what I am actually going to be doing for my birthday and now just feel like it’s not even going to be fun.. I already have issues with this day because I shared my birthday with a friend who had committed suicide a few years ago- so I already feel sad each year since..
I am really upset with my dad for making this about him and making me feel like a bad person..
That being said- I still don’t know what to do, but I am not going to let it bring me down.. Time to shower and rinse off all of this negative energy and Celebrate another birthday!!