The days draw near for the final decision. Will I or will I not go to the Yogaslackers teacher training? They have been more than patient for my answer- more than willing to allow me time to heal. Yet I still don’t know what to do. I have spent MONTHS trying to decide what the best thing to do is- I still don’t know. There are so many factors that seem to play into it for me. For one it is a pretty hefty financial commitment for us as a whole right now. With the kitchen being worked on- we have plenty of bills to pay off and even more to make with the last odds and ends. The cost of the training and the flight would be close to $3000. Sure it’s not a ton of money but right now it seems like it’s a million. Secondly there is the ankle situation. Yes it’s on the mend- but it’s not going to get better than what it is right now- maybe less pain- but no more stability, no more of a guarantee that it won’t happen again.. without the risk of surgery. A surgery that would take me out of my everyday life for at least 6 months. Lastly there is FEAR. A lot of it... I’m afraid to fly as it is.. but to fly alone is very terrifying! Another one? Well I’m just worried that I’m not going to be as good as everyone else- isn’t that always our problem? We tend to compare, compare, compare. But the reality is, I haven’t been able to spend a whole lot of time on the slackline. The ankle and the winter has held me back- not to make excuses. This is the cold hard truth. When Acroyoga comes into it- I have had a little practice with James, but that too has been limited.
All of this together would make you think there would be no way I should go- what about how badly I want to go? There was nothing more that I wanted- in fact it was the star goal on my inspiration board this year. So what happens to the girl who gets what she wants? She spends MONTHS pondering every possible outcome, with no solid conclusion.
I waited for the acceptance letter- I got it and I was excited- so excited! But then my nut job mind got in the way. Hmph.. I need to figure this out!