Wednesday, March 5, 2014

When in doubt

    I still feel like I’m holding my breath- I think I just might be. Since 9AM this morning (the start of my anatomy lecture) I’ve looked like a person who’s drowning… 

-Eyes super wide with the look of terror across my face-
-Irregular breathing patterns- or not breathing at all-
-Arms flailing, trying to keep my head above the water..

Somebody throw me a rescue tube because I can’t save myself! 

Today we covered the BRAIN. 
And while some of the other stuff we have covered has been overwhelming, this is akin to sitting in on a lecture in a country where you don’t speak the language. 
It’s a good thing I record the lecture, because I was attempting to take notes and I can already tell you that the half spelled out words are pure gibberish. 

I’m in trouble.

And do you know why I’m in trouble? 


See up until this point, there has been a little doubt, sure… but not the kind that would make you curl into the fetal position and rock back and forth in an attempt to calm you anxiety. I kind of figured now that I’ve gotten past both the first lab practical and lecture exam all of that original doubt had been put to rest. 
Yeah…. I was very wrong. 
Doubt is like a drug too.. once you have that first little taste, your addicted.. Your little monkey mind (you know those tiny self-doubting, obsessive-thinking little voices in your head that never shut up) runs marathons with that shit.. over and over. It’s like those monkeys were given a triple espresso, while taking amphetamines. AHHHH! 

So now what do I do? 
I should probably take a breath here at some point.. a BIG, DEEP one.. and let it out slowly…
I got this. 
I think..

Step 1- Make a plan- I’m really glad I bought that little planner at the beginning of the semester! Think of this as your rough draft. It really helps me to write a list of things I need to do or stuff I have to cover in list form. This way I can put a star, or underline things that are most important or need to be completed first. Plus I get a sense of accomplishment when I finally get to cross things off of the list one by one. 

Step 2- Organize- You have everything written down, but if your like me- there are arrows, circles and god knows what else all over the damn place. No one can keep their shit straight in that mess. Pull out that planner and assign yourself specific times/days that certain things need to get done. 

Step 3- Break it up- So you have 9 chapters worth of material you need to cover in one book, a whole other mess of stuff to cover in another.. Breaking things up into smaller portions makes you more productive and keeps you on task. Or at the very least gives you more stuff to cross off your to-do list and make you feel like your getting somewhere and moving forward. It will help your sanity.

Step 4- No excuses- Making a plan and everything else isn’t going to do shit for you if you don’t actually make it a priority to follow it. Don’t allow yourself to get so overwhelmed that you just give up completely. Even if you need to make a reward system for yourself.. whatever- make it happen.

Step 5- Have faith- You’ve gotten this far and there is still a teeny, tiny little bit of your sanity left.. Great!  At this point, you might as well give that last little bit of it up- and just trust that you have everything thing you need inside of you to do what you need to do. You just need to pull it out. Your smart enough, your dedicated enough (this one might take a bit of effort at times, haha) and if you really WANT IT… You’ll pull it off. 

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